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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448656">Plationa</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreativeTomato/pseuds/CreativeTomato'>CreativeTomato</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>1940s, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Angst, Basilisks, Blow Jobs, Dark Magic, Death, Deutsch | German, Drunk Tom Riddle, Explicit Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Friendship, Hogwarts Chamber of Secrets, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jealousy, Kissing, Knights of Walpurgis, Legilimency (Harry Potter), Magic, Manipulative Tom Riddle, Marvolo Gaunt's Ring, Mental Health Issues, Occlumency (Harry Potter), PTSD, Polski | Polish, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protectiveness, Pureblood Culture (Harry Potter), Pureblood Politics (Harry Potter), Pureblood Society (Harry Potter), Religion, Runes, Self-Harm, Sexual Content, Slug Club, Study of Ancient Runes (Harry Potter), Tags Are Fun, Teenager Tom Riddle, Time Travel, Tragic Romance, Trauma, Wandless Magic, Wandlore (Harry Potter), World War II, Young Hagrid, Young Minerva McGonagall</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:42:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>31,627</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448656</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreativeTomato/pseuds/CreativeTomato</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Platonia is the name for a hypothetic entity of a timeless realm containing every possible "Now" of the universe. The physical world is not as real as timeless, absolute, unchangeable ideas. But change is a constant factor in life. Tom Riddle doesn't like change he can't control. </p><p> </p><p>„Tom.“, he didn’t look up from the books that were laid out before him. The mean gleam in her eyes deepened and her smile turned predatory. She felt like the tigress stalking her prey, but she knew it wasn’t like that. He only let her be the tigress, because in reality he was the most beautiful predator she had ever seen. And she wanted him to be hers. </p><p> </p><p>Tags and Summary may change as story progresses</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Draco Malfoy &amp; Original Female Character(s), Tom Riddle | Voldemort/Original Character(s), Tom Riddle | Voldemort/Original Female Character(s), Tom Riddle/Original Female Character(s), Walburga Black/Tom Riddle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>If you want to listen to the music she is dancing to in the prologue then listen to Ilene Woods "So This Is Love" and "A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes". Ilene Woods was the singer of Disneys 1950s Cinderella as there is a movie from 1922 and of course the live action from 2015. I hope you enjoy it!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Platonia</p><p>Prologue</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Tom observed her. She was dancing on her own in the shallow lit room as he sat in the comfortable armchair. It was dark outside, the only light source a magically conjured fire. Music filled the silence and she seemed content with it as she danced to notes the record player played for her. He didn't know the name of the singer or the title, nor did he care. He cared for her though. He cared for her happiness. It had taken him a while to realize that and to come to terms with that fact. He took a sip of the expensive whiskey as he remembered the moment he realized the depths of his feelings for her. The whiskey burned deliciously in his throat. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>His dark eyes watched her every move, took in her bare feet. The fire warmed the room and he was glad he had made the fire. She loved being bare foot, still, he didn't want her to fall ill. Many times had he commented on her being bare footed but she insisted. His worries didn’t cease. She had been sick and cursed when she came back to him, and it had taken a lot of magic to heal her. He had wanted to kill whoever was responsible for her pain, however, she had stopped him, explained to him everything he needed know. Which wasn’t much really. She had her secrets and he hated it and he had tried to pressure her into giving in, even though he had his own. Which was unfair (and he knew that too). It gnawed at him that she didn’t share her deepest thoughts and he had tried to read her mind, really, but he couldn’t. It had nothing to do with Occlumency, because it had felt different. As if there was this huge blockade stopping him from prying into her mind, as if something was protecting her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then he thought of how she had returend to him. Broken and bloody and on deaths door. He took a deep breath as he thought about the things he had done to heal her. He twirled the glass he held, a moment later taking another sip of the amber liquid. However, she was healthy now, and he had been more than capable to take care of her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It felt as if much has changed since her arrival and his focus was mostly on her now. She was his priority. His followers grew impatiend as he hadn't contacted them for a while now but he couldn't find the energy nor the patience to deal with them. His worry for her wouldn't let him. She was only wearing a simple night gown, too thin in his opinion, which was why he had conjured fire in the first place. Her long hair was open, flowing freely over her back and her shoulders, gleaming in the light of the fire. She had gained some weight as well and her skin held a healthy flush. Still, he worried so he watched her like a hawk his prey. He would not let her go a second time. He knew he was obsessed. He knew he was no prince charming. He knew he would never be good enough for her. And sometimes he worried she didn't know. Didn't know the depth of his darkness. But then she looked at him like now, her eyes open and hopefull for the future, smiling and happy and content. Tom forgot his worries. His well laid out plans. His past, present and future. He forgot it all and took her hand she held out to him, to join her in her dance. He put away his glass of fire whiskey and put the now free hand on her waist. Slowly they started to dance to the music, their own little dance, just enjoying being in each others arms. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>„I love her voice.", she told him quietly, closing her eyes and leaning onto him, moving to the notes the record player played, „She sang in the movie Cinderella.", she explained further, „Maybe, at some point, we'll watch it together." He remained silent. She didn't complain. She never complained. She had always accepted him as how he was. He had never told her he loved her, but he didn't have to. Not after all the things they had gone through. So, he held her a little closer, a little tighter, and still, she didn't comment on it, only resting her cheek on his broad shoulder. For the moment he would let himself believe in the peace they could enjoy. For now he would let himself believe that there was a happy ending for them. For now he would let himself believe. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The song ended and still they danced in their tight embrace, slowly, to music only the both of them could hear.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. monachopsis</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tom Riddles first meeting with our heroine.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Platonia</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>monachopsis</strong>
</p><p>
n. the sublte but persistent feeling of being out of place
</p><p>
  
</p><p>„Ah, Mr Riddle!“, as he heard his name Tom Riddle stopped walking and turned around. His head of house seemed cheerful, more than usual. He wondered what had happened that made Professor Slughorn smile so brightly. He was breathing quite heavily as well -- the man really wasn’t that active physically, was he? Just one glance at the grown mans belly was more than enough to prove that.</p><p>„Yes, Professor?“, he asked his demeanor polite as always, „How can I help you?“</p><p>The potions master came to a halt in front of him, his cheeks red and slightly harsher breaths coming from the man than a few moments ago, yet it didn’t take away any of his cheerfulness - and the strange worry in the lines around his eyes, Tom realized.</p><p>„I was looking for you! You are a Prefect after all, and the Head Boy and Head Girl went home for the holidays. You are needed at the headmasters office. Follow me, but quickly, they’re waiting“, and with that Horace Slughorn started to hurry back the way he had come from.</p><p>Who was waiting?, he wanted to ask but kept silent. He was sure he would find out what the fuss was all about sooner or later. It must be something quite important with how Professor Slughorn was acting, slightly different than ususal.</p><p>Tom was following obediently and with every step they did he wondered more and more what had happened that he needed to be summoned. It was a Christmas holiday after all and most of the students had left Hogwarts to spend some time with their families. Even more so during the hard times of impending war. Grindelwald had turned out to be a real threat, but the wizarding world was not only worried about him. Many were afraid of the man called Adolf Hitler as well. Both men were dangerous beings in positions with too much power. In times like these he was glad he was on his own, not having to worry about anyone else but himself. Due to this he was the only Slytherin remaining at Hogwarts. And he was taking full advantge of it, researching and practicing his skills, using his charm to get what he wanted, getting books from the forbidden section of the library. Tom doubted it had to do with anything he had done that could be deemed as the illegal kind.</p><p>When they arrived at the headmasters office Professor Slughorn moved hurriedly and entered the room. The first thing he noticed was that Professor Dippet was not alone. Tom easily recognized one of the poeple in there, yet the other person in the room was completly unknown to him. There stood Albus Dumbledore standing beside the headmasters desk and in front of the desk, in one of two chairs, sat a girl. She wasn’t wearing a uniform, only simple pants and a simple blouse, a slightly ragged leather bag in her lap. Was she wearing mens clothing? How strange. It seemed to be magically transfigured as well to fit her thin form better. Her wand was tucked inside a messy bun and as she turned her head to look at him he saw two blue eyes hidden behind a pair of dirty glasses. The look she gave him was strange though. There was some kind of recognition. Did they know each other? Have they met? No, it couldn’t be. He rememberd every person he had ever met in his life. He rarely forgot someone - anything at all, really. The other thing that he observed was the Sorting Hat sitting at the desk as if it had been in use. At that one of his brows rose.</p><p>„Good, you found him Horace.“, Professor Dippet smiled at the Slytherin Prefect as he now directed his attention towards him, „Good evening, Tom. I hope we didn’t disturb any festivities? It is Christmas holiday after all.“</p><p>„Not at all, Professors.“, Tom replied kindly, his lips drawn in a small polite smile as he looked back from the hat to the girl and his gaze wandering further until he was looking at the headmaster.</p><p>„Good, good…“, Professor Dippet answered. Professor Dumbledore still hadn’t said a thing, he seemed to be paying more attention to the girl than on him. Now this was really strange as well. The transfiguration professor usually never left him out of his sight, at least to the best of his ablites. Nontheless, he was no fool and could easily avert prying eyes, moving thorugh the castle without being detected.</p><p>„I want to introduce you to Miss Kuch- how do you say it?“, the headmasters smile seemed to grow a little tight as he turned his attention to the dirty new girl, Tom noted. She looked away from him, as he now stood beside her sitting form. From the corner of his eyes he could see how tightly she was clutching her bag, almost protectively, so hard that her knuckles turned white. Her hands were shaking uncontrollably, too.</p><p>„Kucharska, Sir.“, she told him quietly, her voice sounding a little raw as if her throat had been damaged. Maybe it was. Or maybe she had cried and sobbed. Her red eyes told Tom as much. And he wondered where she had come from, why she was here. She seemed young enough and he deduced if the Sorting Hat had been involved it only meant she would become a part of one of the houses. As he wasn’t the only Prefect in the school during holiday season she must have been sorted into Slytherin.</p><p>„Ah, I apologize. Nontheless… she is new at Hogwarts. Fled from Poland and Germany to come here. Isn’t that so, dear girl?“, a look of compassion crossed Prfoessor Dippets face, his feelings of compassion heard in his words.</p><p>The new girl merely nodded: „That is correct, Sir. It’s… yes.“ She had wanted to say more but had decided against it. Tom vaguely wondered what it was that she had wanted to say, yet the thought fled from his mind at the headmasters next words.</p><p>„And the Sorting Hat sorted her into Slytherin.“, he explained further and just as he had deduced, she had been sorted into Slytherin. As a Prefect of Slytherin house and the best performing student it would be his duty to show her around, which was only logical. A duty he truthfully didn’t want to have, but he still complied. There were many things he didn’t like to do but had to if he wanted to achieve greatness. He had better things to do than to show a little girl around. Still, his polite smile remained and so he nodded in understanding: „I see, Sir. I can show Miss Kucharska around. As most students aren’t at Hogwarts at the moment we’ll have enough time for me to explain everything to her until their return.“</p><p>„Wonderful! That was what I was hoping to hear!“, of course Professor Dippet was glad and Professor Slughorn was smiling so brightly it just had to hurt. He was simply happy due to having another student under his wing, hoping she would be an extraordinary student for his cute little club, but the teacher surpressed it soon, as she seemed to not care about houses or other things. The teachers compassion were just acted out and not real. How despicable. Tom wanted to sneer at these man but he kept his smile on his face. Becuase Horace Slughorn collected talent and connections like a bird twigs for its nest.  </p><p>In Toms mind the teachers had seemed to have forgotten the state she was in. She was clearly shaken, maybe even in a state of shock, or maybe they had given her a calming drought, which was why the adults didn’t seem too worried. He had arrived only a few minutes earlier after all. Still, it had only taken these few minutes to be disgusted by the behaviour these men showcased towards an obviously traumatized girl.</p><p>„So… is this all?“, the girls shy voice sounded as if she would love nothing more than to leave, talking for the first time since Tom had arrived. Professor Dippet nodded quickly: „Yes, of course. If you need anything, I am sure, Tom can lead you to the hospital wing.“</p><p>Now it was her turn to nod as she started to get up from the chair and slung her leather bag over her shoulder: „Then… I can leave now?“ There was an edge to her voice that hadn’t been there before but Tom couldn’t blame her for that. She ignored the comment on the hospital wing, probably wanting to be alone, which eh could understand. It was irresponsible, but still, he understood. Whatever she had been through it must have been vile. War was vile. Tom knew that. He had seen the depravity of human beings which only worsened in times of war. But before they could leave Albus Dumbledore made a move towards her.</p><p>„Just a moment, Miss Kucharska. I just want to make sure you don’t forget what we have talked about?“, Albus Dumbledore had stepped towards her, an urgency in his eyes and his voice. The girl stopped and Tom couldn’t see the look in her eyes as she lowered her face before nodding: „Don’t worry Professor. I’ll be alright.“ The smile she was having now was forced, but as she turned to look at Tom he could see dark circles under her eyes as well. She seemed as if she had went through hell and back. Maybe she had. He knew that look on her eyes. He had seen it often enough in the mirror.</p><p>With that there was nothing else to do but to leave with her at his side. Together they left the office, stating their good byes, fleeing the headmasters office. They started to walk down the hallway, a strange silence following them with every step they took. She seemed tired and a little irritated. Tense, too. Tom was good at observing other people, but even a blind person could see the distress she felt, it was, after all, no surprise if she really had fled the war that was raging in Europe.</p><p>„I think it would be best to show you around tomorrow.“, he told her after a while of contemplation, „You seem too tired and I think it would be best to just eat dinner for now. I was on my way to the Great Hall when Professor Slughorn found me. After dinner I‘ll show you where you’re going to share your room with other female students. Unless there is a need to go to the hospital wing?“At that he had stopped walking and he looked at her questioning her, waiting for her reaction.</p><p>She had stopped as well and turned her head to look at him. He was taken aback at the smile she was showing him. Because it was the first honest smile: „No, it’s okay. I have a few potions in case I don’t feel well. But… I won’t say no to food!“ At that her smile turned to a bright grin, which seemed to be a little forced. It was all happiness and her eyes seemed to twinkle with mischievous hope that hadn’t been there before, though the tension never left her features, and really, how could she smile like that after she had went allegedly through hell?</p><p>„So, lead the way! I can’t wait to finally have something I can dig into.“, she tried to act as if nothing had happend, however, he remembered when he had first arrived at Hogwarts, too thin and too small, eating so much on his first evening, so happy, even euphoric at the sight of the delicious dishes before him, that he had vomited all the contencts from his stomach the same night. So he could understand that smile. The orphanage was no kind place and food had been scarce, children stealing the food from one another, sometimes not wanting to eat the vile food but having to anyway. He nearly shuddered at the memories invading his mind. His stomach had not been used to certain foods and so it wasn’t surprising he had emptied his stomach on his first night here. It was not a pleasant memory. From what he knew about her she had fled her home, her country. Who knew how long she had been on the road. She seemed too thin as well, the clothing hanging a little from her too skinny form.</p><p>Tom smiled at her, somehow sharing her sentiment for food. It was one of the things he loved most during his time in Hogwarts. Being able to eat whatever he wanted was incredibly liberating.</p><p>„Well then, follow me.“, he simply said to her and started to walk a little faster, hearing her giggle (althought there was not really a good reason for giggling even if it sounded a little hysterical) as they approached the hallway from where one could enter the kitchens. The Prefect had decided to avoid the Great Hall so they could avoid curious eyes and curious questions. In the kitchens they were alone and he had the opportunity to get to know her better. She was a fellow Slytherin after all. And Slytherins cared for each other.</p><p>They stopped in front of a portrait after walking for a while longer. At that the girl was confused. Tom had to surpress a smirk: „Here we are.“</p><p>„But… the food?“, she inquired, hope slowly leaving her eyes. Before disappointment could fully hold her in its grasp he tickled the pear in the painting. A giggle was heard from the portrait and the pear shook a little and suddenly there was an entryway.</p><p>„M’Lady.“, he bowed only a little as he deemed himself on being a gentleman.</p><p>The girl laughed at that, this time without any force, which made him a little proud: „Oh, thank you my Lord.“ Then she went through the entryway and he followed. The first time he had found this place he had been delighted. He must have looked the same way she did now, astonishment and wonder on her features. Tom couldn’t stop the grin that had formed on his face.</p><p>„Oh, Master Riddle!“, a houseelf stopped in front of him as soon as the entryway closed behind them, „What can we do for Master Riddle, Sir?“ Several elfs looked to the two humans at that and he answered: „Just dinner, for me, and my lovely companion. But something that is easy to digest, nothing too heavy.“ The elf nodded in understanding and quickly the elves went back to work.</p><p>Soon, there was a table set for two people. Only few minutes later he found himself sitting opposite her. While he was eating with his manners full intact she ate as if it was the last meal she would eat for the rest of her life. He must have been the same, then, on this first day, but not anymore. He wasn’t the little boy from all those years ago.</p><p>Softly he put his hand on hers - on the one that was holding the fork - because he knew what the consequences would be if she didn’t slow down: „Slow down, or you’re going to empty your stomach as fast as you ate it.“</p><p>The new Slytherin girl gave him again a strange look, as if she couldn’t understand how he could have said something like this to her, as if she couldn’t comprehend him taking care of her. Perhaps she wasn’t used to other people taking care of her at all. Honestly he didn’t pride himself in being a good, caring person. No, far from it. In his opinion there was no good or evil. Just decisions one had to make and those that had enough power to change. Now it was his choice to help the girl out. He had to evaluate her, after all as well. And maybe, just maybe, she would be an asset to his plans.</p><p>„Yeah… you’re right. It’s just… I haven’t had a decent meal for quite some time…“, she told him her eyes dimming at certain memories that seemed to haunt her.</p><p>„Don’t worry. You don’t have to talk about things you are uncomfortable with.“, he took a bite from his chicken, Bechamel sauce dripping on his plate as he lifted it to his mouth.</p><p>„…right.“, again, this weird tone in her voice, but before he looked up she had already looked down at her plate and had started eating again. This time slower and taking his advice to heart.</p><p>„And I still don’t know your full name.“, he added after a while, making sure she didn’t overeat. At that she stopped eating and she looked at him: „Oh, you don’t? I thought it was mentioned…“</p><p>He shook his head and she smiled politely: „My name is Weronika. But… you know… you can call my Niki. Just Niki.“ It sounded mundane and muggle but she didn’t seem to care. Perhaps it had been the war. Priorities changed when one was in the middle of one. Everytime he went back to the orphanage he felt as if he was an enemy in a foreign country fighting his own ar against Billy Stubs and all the other children. At one point they had even tried to exorcise him with a priest and holy water and a cross and prayers. At first he had been angry but after a while he had found it highly amusing. When their attempt at freeing him from the devil and his demons had failed they had used the old ways they had always used on disobdient children. Tom would make sure they would pay for every sin, for every wrongdoing they had done to him.</p><p>After that they didn’t talk much and both kept to their own thoughs, both remembereing the sins they had done and would do, she concentrating more on stuffing her face (not wanting to remember anything but doing so regardless) and him slowing her down occassionally. When they were finished she thanked the houseelfs for their hospitality, which was weird, but that confirmed his suspicion. She was either half-blood or muggleborn as no witch or wizard would ever treat these elves with so much respect or even dignity. Houseelfs were born to be slaves. He wasn’t cruel to them by any means, he didn’t have a reason to be, but he knew treating these creatures with more than anyone was used to would only draw unwanted attention – the wrong kind of attention he tried to avoid. So yes, she must have been a girl growing up in the muggle word. And he didn’t ask.</p><p>-</p><p>„I know the dungeons don’t seem to be the most welcoming place for a house of Hogwarts, but it is far more welcoming than one might imagine.“, Tom explained on their way to the common room. She only nodded at his words and when they finally stood before the entrance he looked at the stone wall and uttered the password: „Eleutheromania.“</p><p>Without another word the stonewall before her started to change. The bricks moved and moved and seemed to turn into liquid water, as if they were a part of the lake the Slytherins abditory was located under. It felt different than the one entrance to Diagon Ally, more refined and with a kind of serenity that only ancient magic held. Then he entered the common room without any explanation and she followed him through the liquid made bricks.</p><p>„Wow…“, she whispered in awe as she took in what she saw. Tom grinned and felt a sense of pride and excitement. It was fun looking at her expression and for a moment he wondered if he had looked just like her when he had entered the common room for the first time five years ago. He observed her with amusement as she took more and more in.</p><p>The room held a green tinge as it was under the lake. One would sometimes see merfolk swimming around, stopping in front of one of the windows, observing students from time to time. Everything seemed dark, but it was underground and underwater so it was understandable. There was a fire burning in the fire place, giving the room a homely atmosphere, the fire compensating the green colours and tinge the common room held. He gave her a few minutes to take everything in; to comprehend that she was now at Hogwarts, in Slytherin house.</p><p>They were alone. There weren’t many students that had stayed at Hogwarts and most of the Slytherin students that had stayed were in the Great Hall, attending dinner. Even muggleborns had left for the holiday, being scared that something might happen to their families. There was a war raging on and many were anxious and afraid, which was understandable. However, Tom was not anxious. Not when he was save and within Hogwarts‘ walls, where nothing dangerous could touch him. Not when all he had to worry about was himself.</p><p>When he deemed enough time had passed he put his hand on her shoulder to get her attention: „Follow me.“ Weronika nodded and he went to an entry where a hallway led to the girls dormitories. As Prefect he had access to them – most of his male peers were envious of him which only amused him. He never made use of these privilege he held in this position. Also, there was a female prefect as well, so he only ever needed to go into the girls dorm room if there was an emergency. Or, as of now, when there was a new student and he was the only Slytherin available. He showed her the room where other fifth year girls slept. She would spend her time here in the same room with Druella Rosier and Ramona Zabini. Weronika was lucky she didn’t have to be in the same dormitory room as Walburga Black. The thought of Walburga left a bitter taste in his mouth. The girl was insufferable and clinged to him like a moth to a flame, but at least he held connections and he had been able to use her fortune more than the fortune of his followers. At the beginning she had been sweet enough but her cute little crush had started to turn into something vicious and toxic.</p><p>„I assume the empty bed is meant for you.“, he told her and she nodded, one bed with no personal decorations or clothing, spaces empty, „The other girls are currently staying with their families. We are the only Slytherins present in Hogwarts at the moment. And I do hope everything is to your statisfaction?“ If she had any complaints he would simply tell her to go seek out their head of house.</p><p>„It’s… perfect.“, the new girl slowly stepped deeper into the room and put her bag down on the bed. A few seconds passed as she took everything in before she turned around to look at him: „Thank you, Tom.“</p><p>„You’re welcome.“, a charming smile graced his features and it deepend as he saw how she blushed. He knew he was handsome, knew the effect he had on the fairer sex and often times he had used it to his advantage: „Now I’ll leave you to your own devices. If you need anything I’ll be in the common room, working on school work. Otherwise I suggest we meet tomorrow at 9 o’clock in the morning for breakfast in the common room. After breakfast  I can show you around.“</p><p>„Sounds like a plan.“, she smiled shyly at him and that was that. He closed the door and left. He still had a few essays to work on, a few books waiting to be read and research to be done – research on the Dark Arts.</p><p>-</p><p>The tension holding her body left together with Tom, her relief felt throughout the whole dorm room. She was finally alone. Since her arrival at Hogwarts she had been tense. And afraid. Oh, so very afraid. Every person she had met was a potential enemy, someone who could hurt her, scream at her, whip her. She felt weak and knew she wouldn’t put up much of a fight. Rationally she knew she was safe in Hogwarts but her experiences with recent events had changed her in ways she didn’t like. Before she had arrived she had been more secure but now she was an emotional wreck at the brink of tears. The only thing she wanted as of now was a hot shower, a change of clothes and sleep. And the empty bed seemed to be calling to her on a deeper level she couldn’t ignore. She decided to put her worries into the back of her mind. At least for now. She needed her beauty sleep, but first things first. She had to clean up as well and she found the bathroom rather quickly. As fast as she could she started to disrobe, not liking what she saw when pale flesh was revealed to the dimly lit room, candles burning for her. When she looked down at herself she nearly started crying. She had lost weight. Too much weight. But the things she had been through and then being on the run and doing forbidden magic could do this to a girl. It had been no easy feat to come here. Many sacrifices had been made and she was determined to make them count.                                                                                                                                                                 </p><p>As the hot water finally came down on her she remembered her friends. Yes, she would make sure that every sacrifice that had been made wouldn’t be for naught. Niki couldn’t stop the tears from forming in her eyes. They mixed together with the water of her shower and her sobbing was drowned by the noise of the water. Memories surfaced, memories of pain and curses, magic and love. Love. She laughed while sobbing at the thought of love. Half sobbing half laughing she looked down on herself. As fast as she had started to sob she stopped with a deep breath, no sound escaping her closed mouth. Between her breasts were runes tattooed with a golden hue into her flesh. They sometimes seemed to glow and she knew they could move along her like a snake wrapping itself around her body, growing or shrinking. Slowly she caressed the runes from her stomach, up, further and further, until she stopped at the rune on the top right between her voluptuous breasts. She had always liked her breasts but with her getting thinner with time her breasts had downsized as well. They were still rather full but she missed the size she had once held. If the only thing she would be able to control were he looks, she decided, she would at least gain the weight she had lost in the past few weeks.</p><p>It took her a while to finish showering and when she finally left the bathroom there were no tears left. Only her red rimmed eyes, hidden behind her glasses, a towel wrapped around her body, hair sticking to her skin. When she looked at the bed there was a night gown for her. A house elf must have left it for her as she had no clothing of her own – only the pants and shirt she had worn when she arrived.</p><p>Quietly she put on the night gown, quickly hiding her too thin body under the white fabric. She had arrived with no clothes and she supposed Albus Dumbledore had something to do with it as well. He had understood her situation and he had agreed on helping her, although she hadn’t told him much, not her reasons for being here, and not how she had come to Hogwarts on her own. She had no trust for him. She trusted no one. Only a small group of people, particularly one person, and that person wasn’t with her, separated  by her own doing. She was sure he hated her now. They all probably did. She didn’t want to think about this, so she put her attention on the trunk at the end of tthe bed.</p><p>Now curious if she would find anything else she opened up the trunk. A quiet breathless gasp left her lips. There was a Slytherin school uniform. More than one in fact. A dress robe and warm winter clothes if she decided to go out. Shoes and socks and underwear, all of those typical for the forties.</p><p>Without her wanting to tears started to flow down her cheeks, again, and onto the uniform. Shaking her head she closed the trunk as quickly as possible. The noise the closing of the trunk did echoed in the room which she ignored. Instead she went to her bag and pulled out a soft toy in the form of a dog. It was a little worn out and one of the plastic eyes was missing. She had taken it with her, needing it as some kind of reassurance. It had been a present from her father; her real father, not her step-father, when she had been a little girl. She remembered her mother and father arguing over that soft toy she had so desperately wanted, crying loudly and throwing a temper tantrum only a five year old was able to have, until she got what she had wanted. A deep sigh escaped her at the memory of simpler times. Then she shook her head. It was time to sleep. She needed to get her energy back as fast as possible to finish what she had started, so she slid under the duvet and snuggled the toy to her chest, clutching it tightly. Sleep came far quicker than she had thought, the sounds of water and singing merfolk lulling her to sleep.</p><p>-</p><p>When she awoke the next day she had thought she was back. But then all the horrible memories returned to her and with a resigned sigh she started to get ready for the day. She looked at the worn out brown leather band of her wrist watch as she put it on, glad she hadn’t overslept; glad the nightmares had been merciful to her. She had never pulled out her earrings, two on each side, simple silver things she had kept as keepsakes from her home, together with the ring her mother had presented her with when she had turned sixteen years old. A ring of pure cold with a saphire eye in the middle of a four leaf shamrock. She loved that ring as it was one of the minor things that proved the love her mother held for her somewhere under the criticism and mean words and toxic behaviour. She clinged to this peace of affection like a moth to the lamp.</p><p>As the only clothing she had was the uniform she put it on, disregarding the mens clothing she had worn during her escape until she had made it to Hogwarts. Then she was ready, her wand tucked behind her ear. Her hair tied into a high ponytail and her cheeks holding a warm healthy glow to them. Tom had to admit she looked much better and healther. It really was astounding what a little food and sleep could do to a sick person.</p><p>„Good Morning, Weronika.“, his silky voice greeted her. Her own smile mirrored his own, polite enough, nice, but not truthful. Over her uniform she wore a light coloured cardigan, something to warm her in the cold winter temperature.</p><p>„Good morning Tom.“, her voice sounded a little husky so she cleared her throat and clasped her hands together, now sounding more normal. And healthy: „Did you sleep well?“ She tried to be polite, tried not to twitch and beating down the need to run away and to hide, to just finding a life she could live peacefully. Instead she stayed and looked around her like a prisoner for any kind of possibilty for escape. To him she seemed lost and afraid. Lost like Red Riding Hood in the forest, alone and all on her own – and in some way she truly was alone. Good. That could only come to his advantage, using her fears against her to control her.</p><p>„Yes, I did, thank you for asking.“, his answer was shallow and he hated small talk or having to hold on to pleasantries, however, he had played the role of Prefect and teachers pet so well now it came as second nature to him.</p><p>„Hungry?“, he asked and she nodded her stomach grumbling softly at the thought of breakfast.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. toska</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Their journey beings.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A few days ago I uploaded a chapter, but... whelp, I was not that much happy about it? I just get so excited of posting the chapters, that I get a little blind to mistakes. But it won't happen again. Promise!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2 class="title">
  <b>Platonia</b>
</h2><h2 class="title">
  <b>Chapter 2</b>
</h2><p></p><div class="body-text">
  <p>toska – n. a dull ache of the soul, a sick pining, a spiritual anguish</p>
  <p>
    
  </p>
  <p>Weronika Anastazja Kucharska was rather pleasent company he had to admit. She seemed submissive enough, listened to him, followed his advice like a lost puppy would, and when she didn’t know something and had questions she came to him. She was depended on him. Which only played right to his hands.</p>
  <p>Tom saw her as a little toy, a pretty doll with big eyes and silky hair, he could use and play with. But he didn’t use her and kept from playing useless mind games with her. In all of her submissiveness, in all her politeness and calmness, there was barely any honesty in her. It was as if she had no real personality of her own. Not really. As if she was afraid of showing who she was. Was it fear? …or rather, she was hiding her true self, her true intentions which made him more wary of her than he’d like to admit. She was a mystery to him, a girl full of contradictions, a person he wasn’t able to read, an enigma. And he hated that. When he had tried out his Occlumency skills on her there had been no reaction, no thoughts he could read or memories he could see. Just blank nothingness. By lack of her reaction he guessed she hadn’t even realized he had tried to read her mind, so, it was only natural he didn’t leave her out of his sight. Because something he didn’t know or couldn’t control was something that could stand in his way of reaching greatness. With these revelations Tom started to observere her every movement, like a hawk watching its clueless prey. Because Weronika Kucharska was not a normal teenage girl. There was something wrong with her, something he couldn’t grasp and when he reached with his magic he could feel her own sizzling like hot water dropping onto ice. Her magic was chaotic and restless, constantly in movement. Usually restless magic was seen in magical children, not in taught girls that had wands and used magic. There was something hidden in her magic, something far-off, and he fully intended to find out what it was. Because someone who had no control of their magic could be dangerous. Not only to his plans but to students and teacher, to Hogwarts, as well. With these thoughts he had started to keep her near him and when he had explained the classes to her, showed her homework she could start to work on as well during the holidyas, he was disappointed to realize there was no genius behind her, just average intellect at best. Yes, in some classes she was better than others. She excelled in Anicent Runes. Her knowledge on runes and languages was marvelous, but when it came to Herbiology she was just mundane. Everything they had to write down, theory and essays, she was simply average. She really only exceeded in Ancient Runes, and to his surprise in potions. At least that was what he could tell as lessons hadn’t even started yet. Students would return in the upcoming days though, as classes would start next week again.</p>
  <p>„How do you know so much about runes?“, he asked her one day after New Years eve, after his birthday, sitting with her in the Slytherin common room and working on school work. At that she looked up from her essay, her bright eyes looking into his dark ones. He wasn’t used to people looking into his eyes so directly. She didn’t even flinch. She truly was an enigma.</p>
  <p>„It… It was an important subject at my old school.“, she told him and dropped her gaze quickly. Too quickly. Tom had observed how she tried to avert topics that had to do with runes and he wondered why. His fingers twitched with burning curiosity, wanting to dissect her like a toad. Because she wasn’t telling him everything and it irked him to no end not being able to read her mind. So he had to ask her: „Your old school?“</p>
  <p>Weronika didn‘t look up this time and simply nodded: „I went to Czocha College of Wizardry. It’s a rather small school. I should have gone to Durmstrang, but they don’t take muggleborns. And the one school in Russia… I can’t speak Russian. But I can speak German and Polish, so I was send to Czocha. It’s near the border to Germany.“</p>
  <p>Tom started to get intruiged by that school he had never really heard anything about. She must have seen, or rather felt, his disbelief, as small as it was. She could also be used having to explain where she came from, probably having explained to teachers which school she had gone to.</p>
  <p>„It’s really small. Only around two hundred students. Most of them muggleborn because of Durmstrang… over there I learned English too, just in case…“, she finally looked up at him and he obersved her face, every twitch and every emotion that crossed her features. Now he was even more curious: „Tell me more.“ He hated not knowing something and in his mind there was nothing more powerful than knowlegde. Surprised by the demand in his voice she looked up to him before she slowly nodded: „Alright… so… there are five houses. I was in Faust, the house of knowledge and power.“ She scratched her neck in thought and put down her quill she had written with on her paper: „Every house is based on one culture and Faust is based on German culture. We learn Alchemy, Runic Magic, Arithmancy, Herbology and… erm… let me think. Ritual magic…“ She started to count the number of lessons with her fingers. She really was a forgetful person, something he had been able to observe as well: „Beastology, Magical Defence and Theory, and… Mind Magic. Sorry, can’t remember the rest. It’s been a while since I left and so many things had happened.“ An apologetic smile graced her pale features and Tom smiled as well: „It’s quite alright. Still, the things you were thaught seem different than here at Hogwarts.“ At that Weronika nodded: „That’s true. But I’m fine. I mean… Alchemy and Potions is basically the same. Runic magic always fascinated me the most. Together with…. Well, really everything that has to do with magic. I’m only not that good at theory. I am more the type of person who just… does things. And I don’t like thinking too much about them, which also, you know… depends on the situation, and sometimtes I do think too much. But, still… I’d much rather just act.“</p>
  <p>„How… un-Slytherin.“, he chuckled at her and that was something she had not expected. Not at all. His chuckle sounded deep, and a little breathless, but he was just a teenage boy and she knew his voice would change and mature, become deeper with age. She felt a blush creeping up her neck as emberrassment rushed through her: „Oh, stop it. There is much more to being ambitious or cunning… And I’m actually a pretty good liar.“</p>
  <p>„A good liar? Do you think all the Slytherins are liars?“, he mocked her and her blush deepend: „I- I didn’t mean… stop putting words into my mouth.“ Again he chuckled amused: „I apologize. Although, with what you’ve told me… rather wanting to act… you would fit much better into Gryffindor than into Slytherin, I think.“</p>
  <p>„No, not really.“, she shrugged her shoulders, „Because… I don’t just act. I… plan. I decide. Or I just… I think about decisions and try to find out what outcomes they have and… yeah, I’d rather act, that’s true, but not before planning it. And I am ambitious about the things I want. Buuut…“</p>
  <p>„…but?“</p>
  <p>„Sometimes I have reaaaally bad impulse control.“, at that she laughed for a moment and he smiled with a nod: „I see. But I am still not convinced if you really fit into the House of snakes, Weronika.“</p>
  <p>„Niki.“</p>
  <p>„What?“</p>
  <p>„Why aren’t you calling me Niki?“</p>
  <p>„Because Weronika is your name and I like it better. I barely use nicknames.“, he simply explained and resumed working. A few seconds later he felt her gaze leaving his form and she followed him, the only thing being heard the scraping of quill on parchment as she still felt the burn in her cheeks.</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>Somehow, without realzing it, he had started to feel comfortable around her. She was just there with him, spending time together. Him reading, and her doing the same or writing or sketching something into her notebook. It looked well-used and reminded him of his own diary. He didn’t like it; didn’t like how well she fit into his life, how she had just made herself comfortable around him, sitting with him at the table, eating and him helping chosing the right food to not over extert her stomach. She was never too loud but talkative, never overbearing but ever present. Sometimes she would leave, probably exploring the castle or talking to the teachers, and going to the Hospital Wing to get checked as she still hadn’t fully recovered from her escape to the British Isles. At one point she had taken her bag and wore thick clothing and told him she would go to Hogsmade. She had Albus Dumbledores permission.</p>
  <p>„And what do you want there?“, he had asked her and she had just shrugged: „I want to take a walk on the fresh air. I rather enjoy the snow, you know? And see what I can find in Hogsmade. See what kind of stores there are…“</p>
  <p>„Shall I accompany you, then?“, he had asked her after that, which had not only surprised her, but him as well. Because he truly wanted to go with her, spend time with her. Because he didn’t want her to go alone into the cold. She had a reather weak constitution and he would feel much better if he knew she would have someone with her. Yes, that was the reason why he didn’t want her to go alone; because she was his responsibilty, nothing more, nothing less. It didn’t matter how only a few days had passed since she had been here, with him, a calming presence beside him, always there. He didn’t like that. Not at all. He drew his eyebrows together but she was distracted by looking and rummaging through her worn out leather bag, smiling: „No, it’s fine, really. I want to go alone, think about things and… well.“ Weronika shrugged at her own words before shouldering her bag again when she was sure she had everything she needed. With that she looked up and smiled at him, her eyes twinkling: „See ya, later, Tom.“</p>
  <p>So, she turned around and left the Slytherin common room, leaving him standing there, not liking how this new girl still intrigued him and somehow wasn’t what she seemed. She wasn’t normal. She was like him. Yes, Tom realized, she was just like him in the way he was special. Because she was special, uniqe. He just had to find out what made her so special.</p>
  <p>A few hours passed and when she came back Tom was sitting in one of the couches, surrounded by books, one in his lap. As soon as she came in he closed the heavy book to turn his attention to her. Her cheeks were glowing, her nose even redder from the cold winter outside. There were snow flakes already melting on her thick clothing and her hat, melting on her glasses as the snow flakes turned into little water droplets. She pulled the hat down and her messy hair was electrified and simply put a mess.</p>
  <p>„Whew, let me tell you, it’s pretty cold outside.“, she sniffeled a little and he slowly got up from his sitting position to make his way towards her. He noticed how there were no gloves on her hands and unhappy with this new revelation he clipped his tongue. At that she looked up at him before he took both of her hands. They were ice cold. He didn’t like that. She could get sick and she still needed some time until she was fully recovered. He knew that from experience.</p>
  <p>„When you came here you were already in bad health. You really shouldn’t have left while it was snowing this hard outside.“, he chastised her with a scowl he hadn’t realised he was wearing. He didn’t even look at her face as all his attention was on the hands he was holding and rubbing inside his own, trying to warm the cold skin.</p>
  <p>„Tom, it’s… it’s fine, really.“, there was awe in her voice and only then did he stop. What was he doing? <em>What was he doing?</em> Acting like a fool, <em>caring</em> about her and her stupid cold hands. Yes, she was mysterious and he wanted to know everything about her, wanted to know why he wasn’t able to read her mind, but it didn’t mean he wanted to be close or intimate with her. The relationship he was building with her was just a means to an end. However, as soon as she stepped into the room he had been concerned with her wellbeing, remembering what she had looked like that first day; broken and weary, twitching at every sound and restless in a way that was too farmiliar to him. It had been over a week since then, and again, did he think about how she had carved a place beside him. No, Tom didn’t like that. Not one bit.</p>
  <p>He dropped her hands as if he had burned his skin on her own.</p>
  <p>Quickly he straigthened his shoulders and there was a command in his tone he usually only used with his knights: „Go, take a shower or a bath, and warm yourself up. I’ll wait for you, so we can go to dinner together.“ After his order he turned briskly around and went book to the place where his books waited for him. The silence that followed was heavy and filled with uncertainty but he didn’t care. <em>He did not care.</em> He shouldn’t care about other people. He should only care about himself.</p>
  <p>Tom didn’t look up when he heard her steps leaving the room to get to her dorm room. The only reason he should keep her so close was to find out her true intentions and why she was able to shield her mind so well.</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>When Weronika had left she had still been in awe. Back in the common room she had been surprised and even weirded out and somehow out of touch with reality. She could only stare at her now warmed hands he had held so lovingly. Because Tom had cared. He had cared about her and her well being, to the extent of even being worried. He had wanted to come with her, too. She looked down at her own hands and remembered the warmth of his skin. She never would have thought he would be this warm. And she should be mad too, with how he had ordered her to get warmed up, but she had been too awestruck. He had seemed like such a cold person from the beginning, and he just seemed like this unapproachable character; or maybe she just wasn’t used to such kindness anymore. And after spending this much time with him she had realized what a genius he was, how much he knew, and God, how good he was at teaching. Usually, when someone had tried to explain something to her she had not understood, people had grown impatiend, but not Tom. He stayed calm, answered all her questions as best as he could, was patient with her and wasn’t even angry when her mind started to wander again. And when he realised how restless she became, with her leg twitching uncontrollably, he would stop with homework or with whatever lesson they were doing, because before she knew it, he knew she needed a break. No one had ever been this patient with her. Not her friends, and not her family. She wasn’t used to someone caring about her like this.</p>
  <p>Weronika took a deep breath and closed her eyes, her hands still in front of her as she had looked at them. Slowly her hands turned into soft fists. She shouldn’t get distracted by Tom. He was charming and good looking and his voice could do things she should hate. But she didn’t hate it. Far from it. Her body reacted in ways she had no control over and if there is one thing they had in common it was the love for control. Alright, she had to admit, she wasn’t that good at it, but still, she loved knowing everything about everybody, not because she wanted to blackmail or something, but because… just because. There was no real reason, really, only the traumatic experiences of her past that made her wary of others, and knowing everything about everyone made her feel safer. More prepared. Yes, it was all about being prepared in case someone had the ill intent of wanting to hurt her. Because she had been hurt enough in her life. By family, by friends, by enemies, by her own hands. And it was no surprise that she had no healthy coping mechanism when it came to her traumatic experiences and anxiety. To cope with her emotional anguish she liked to hurt herself, and she was good at hiding it. She opened her eyes and looked again at her hands. It wasn’t that she was cutting herself. Nothing like that. It was just that sometimes when things got too much, she couldn’t stop herself from harming herself until she bled in ways that wouldn’t leave scars.</p>
  <p>Again she took a deep breath before going to her bed. Her thoughts returned to Tom and while she started to underss to get under the shower as he had instruced she wondered if he would still act the same when the other students returned from the holidays.</p>
  <p>When she was finished with her shower she dressed into one of the uniforms she had gotten. Stockings and the green pleated skirt went to her knees, the design high waist as was appropriate for the decade she was in. She stuffed her blouse into the skirt and put on the beige soft cardigan that warmed her enough. Then came her brown leather boots she had came to Hogwarts in. They weren’t thick and not appropriate for snow, but good enough for Hogwarts halls. When she was finished she put her hair into a messy bun. She shouldered her bag that she had filled with schoolwork and her sketchbook before she decided to return to Tom. Dinner was waiting for them.</p>
  <p>-</p>
  <p>There were no words exchanged as they had gotten on the way to the Great Hall. They were pretty much the only students in all of Hogwarts, as all the students had left to their families to make sure they were safe from the raging war and danger that were both Hitler and Grindelwald. Tom had no family to return to and Weronika? Weronika had lost her family. With a gulp and a heavy heart she remembered her mother, her step father and her brothers, and how it gnawed at her heart that she didn’t miss them as much as a daugther and sister should. There were no friends to miss either; except the selected few.</p>
  <p>When they arrived at the Great Hall they sat opposite of each other like they had the days before. She was still trying to eat slowly and to not over eat as he had warned her several times. At the memory on their first dinner together she looked up at him. Since she had returned from her short shower he hadn’t said a thing. He seemed to be colder than usual, withdrawn and she felt as if she had done something wrong. Nibbling on her lower lip she ignored the food before her as she thought of anything she might have done to anger him. But no. She hadn’t done anything wrong. Had she? Then why was she getting the silent treatment? The cold shoulder? Maybe she had overstepped her boundaries? She did that sometimes. Her mother had always warned her to not step out of line, to be the perfect church going daughter, so she always tried to be good, always tried to do nothing wrong. It didn’t always work; being good and sweet.</p>
  <p>„…Tom?“, she saw the tensing of his shoulders and suddenly she felt her anxiety build up inside her chest into a tight knot. „Tom.“, she tried to sound more sure of herself, more secure, and was glad when she did a somewhat good job, „Are you alright? You… you seem different than usual… erm, have I done something… wrong?“</p>
  <p>When he looked up from his meal he realized she hadn’t taken one bite and he also realized that she was worried. Worried that she had done something wrong. And her worry was honest. Through her glasses he could see the worry in her blue eyes. Tom had to admit he was angry. Not at her, although she was the reason for his anger. No, he was angry at himself, because he had gotten too attached to her. Yes, attached. To another person. In a matter of days. But it didn’t matter. Soon enough his knights would return and with that his attention would be drawn to things that had nothing to do with her. Simply put they probably had spend too much time with each other as she was the first person he had over concentrated on this much. Not even his knights enjoyed the amount of attention she received.</p>
  <p>So, he smiled a reassuring smile: „No, don’t worry. I was just… thinking. In a matter of days the other students are going to return and with that my obligations. I won’t be able to spend as much time with you anymore. Also, in the next few days I’ll have to prepare myself, too, so… I hope you will be able to study on your own.“</p>
  <p>„Oh…“, that… that was not what she had expected. Not at all. Because they had become somewhat friendly with each other, too, which was… strange for her, to say the least. Having some kind of companion was strange and she simply wasn’t used to befriending people. Never was.</p>
  <p>At his look she quickly tried to find the words for a better answer: „Ah, yeah, it’s fine.“ She smiled nervously at him: „Really, I get it. I just thought… well, nevermind. But I do hope you won’t forget me in all your obligations.“ Her answer made him smile a disarming smile and she blushed at that. Dinner turned peaceful and so were the next few days. And true to his words Tom had less time to spare for her. Which was fine, really. He had been nice and charming and forthcoming and he was just acting like a gentleman. Which only angered her. Was she really so easily swayed? On the other hand she had been exhausted, emotionally and physically, and she had needed a few days to recover. In her weakened state her concsiousness had wanted to lean on to someone and with Tom being so forthcoming it was no wonder she had chosen him. Truth to be told she still needed time to recover, wanted even to depend on him, but time was limited, at least for now, so it was only good Tom had put some distance between them as it cleared her mind.</p>
  <p>She was here to change things that should never be changed, nontheless she wanted to try it. It was too late to stop now and she had already lost a part of herself during the process. The things she had done to be safe in an unkown future could be called immoral, but she didn’t have the privilege to be morally good. A long time ago she had realized that being ethical was just a cage people liked to build around themselves. It condemend them to untruths and comfortabilty and only allowed change to a certain point. Morals were things people hid behind like a warm cloak during a storm and after realizing that she had put away her morals to do whatever she could to protect those she had learned to love. Slytherins were loyal to a fault and she was no exception. With shame and new determination she tried to ignore her hurt feelings because she had no time for friendships, no time nor energy for useless comardrie that would only drag her further into a pit of anguish and torture. She had to figure things out, had to get healthy and well again and before she could do anything about her life in Hogwarts she had to think about repaying her debt. Because without <em>him</em> she never would have made it to Hogwarts.</p>
  <p>Tom only distracted her and she had gotten too attached too fast to him. The reason for that were not unkown to her. She was a touch starved being – ironically hating to be touched by other people – and starved when it came to love and affection. Toms patience and gentleness, how fake it may be, was something she could fall into, a warmth she had missed her whole life, a carressing hand that should have been her mothers. She sighed; and ultimatly held Toms attention again. He seemed to misunderstand her sigh as he straightened himself before leaning forward towards her.</p>
  <p>„Look, Weronika…“, he started quietly and she looked up at him, „I… enjoyed our time together. I really did.“ Why he told her that she wasn’t sure of, but every of his words could be a lie, even if they didn’t feel like lies. She lost her trust in people a long time ago.</p>
  <p>„But I am Prefect and I tutor a few students. Also, I am part of the Quidditch team, and there are many other things I do in my free time.“, he explained to her and she wanted to tell him that it was fine, that he didn’t have to explain himself, and somehow she couldn’t. She just stared at him, touched at his attempt to make her feel better. Had she looked that saddened by the fact he would have less time for her?</p>
  <p>„…it’s fine.“, she said and her quiet voice sounded uncertain and a little embarrassed, „You don’t have to explain yourself to me. We… We aren’t dating or anything like that… it was just… I think going through the things I went through… I think I just started to depend on you because I… I didn’t have anyone for a long time. It’s… It’s hard to explain but… gosh… Ich fühle mich so dumm… dumm, dumm…“ She shook her head, murmuring the last words to herself and he looked at her with a expression she couldn’t quite read. So, she smiled: „Sorry. It’s just…“ And before she knew it tears started to swell in her eyes. A break down? Now? Gosh, how pathethic.</p>
  <p>Her fork fell onto her dinner as she started to wipe her tears from under the glasses. From out of nowhere he had conjured a handkerchief and held it out to her and she took it with mumbled thanks. As she started to wipe her tears away he took one of her hands in a comforting touch, his thumb stroking the soft warm skin of the limb. More tears started to wreck her body, accompanied by silent sobs that shook her into the depths of her soul. She wanted to explain herself to him, wanted to tell him it wasn’t because of him she was acting this way, but she couldn’t find the words, only holding on to his hand as if he was her lifeline. She didn’t know how much time had passed until she was somewhat calm, his handkerchief wet with her snot and her tears. She laughed then, a humourless sound: „Sorry. I just…“Then she shrugged and he nodded as if he understood. But Weronika knew he didn’t understand. No one understood. People may have went through traumas, but everyone was different, everyone percieved things differently, and no one would ever understand the pain she was going through. She was selfish in that regard and holding on to her pain and being afraid of losing all the other things she was still able to feel. Happiness had left her to die on a bed of tragedy a long time ago and now she had cloaked herself in the blood of her tears and forged a weapon with her pain, striking everyone who would dare to stop her from her goals, the only thing giving her the power to do so being hope.</p>
  <p>„Ya‘ know…“, she started, sounding strange because of her stuffed nose, cheeks hot and eyes burning, „I used to dance ballet.“</p>
  <p>At that a stunned look crossed his features but he kept silent and let her talk: „I started when I was really young. Maybe… four or something? Before I even knew magic existed. My family was poor but my mother wanted me to have a good life – a life she never had. So… so she send me to tutors for ballet and piano.“ She shrugged at that and tried not to look at him. Strangely he had not let go of her hand and had not stopped carressing her warm skin with his thumb. He had beautiful long fingers and big hands, a little rough from playing Quidditch. Hands worthy of a piano player. She liked the image of it.</p>
  <p>„But at some point… only weeks before I got my letter for Czocha… we changed shoes.“, Weronika sniffeled and knew she needed to explain this, because she couldn’t imagine him knowing about the footwear of ballet, „At first I learned dancing in… in comfortable shoes. Made out of leather and silk, and… then… when I was good enough we changed to… to pointe shoes. They… They are very uncomfortable and… well, uncomfortable isn’t right.“ She laughed at that and wiped her nose with the handkerchief he had given her, the food now untouched and ignored by both of them, ignoring any curious glances thrown their way: „They are fucking painful. After training for the first time with them I wasn’t able to walk the next day. They… They are hard on the inside at the front, so-so that dancers may stand on their tip toes, and… and… God, it just hurt so much. So… So I stopped. My mother didn’t like that, of course, but then came the letter and… and it was blessing in disguise, really. And… And I hated pain, I still do, but… when I was still just eleven years old I thought that would be it. But by now I have went through so much pain, I just…“ Her breath hitched and she had somehow lost herself in her words, forgot what she had wanted to tell him with the little part of her life she just shared with him. So, she shook her head, before she tried to find the meaning behind her words: „What… What I want to say is… is… I… after all this pain I have went through… I guess I just sucked in the attention you have given me. So, it’s alright if you don’t want to be friends or anything like that. That… That’s all I wanted you to know, I guess. That I’m just this weird foreign girl sucking in any affection like a sponge.“ Her pointed look at his hand holding her made him realize what she meant, so he nodded. But he didn’t let go.</p>
  <p>„I see… and I am sorry you have went through so much pain.“, he told her, his voice quiet but his gaze never leaving her, his eyes burning into her soul, „And I wouldn’t mind being friends with you.“ A slow smile twitched at the corners of his mouth and before she knew it she gave him a watery smile as well. Squeezing his hand thankfully for understanding her she finally pulled back her hand.</p>
  <p>„And now I’m not hungry anymore.“, she laughed as if to say <em>how silly of me</em> when in reality she only wanted to change the topic. Tom humored her although he wanted to press her for more answer. Had she been anyone else he would have already used Legilimency on her; he would have unwrapped every single one of her secrets and read her like an open book. Instead he had to rely on her words and expressions, the way she cried and smiled and moved.</p>
  <p>Hours later, when he was lying in his bed and thinking back to their conversation he mulled over her words; over and over again, analyzing them. From what she had shared with him pain had became a part of her life at some point. There was also a desire to be accepted and loved, to be held and embraced. When he had been a small child he had held the same desire, but now he scoffed at these romantic notions. He was a powerful wizard, he only needed himself. Affection wouldn’t help him achieve his goals, but girls like Weronika were dependend on them. With her tale she had shared the way he would be able to control and manipulate her. He smiply had to become the person she would confide in the most, the person she could lean to and trust. If she truly was as touch starved as she thought it would be easy, really, to get on her good side. He could whipser sweet meaningless nothings into her ear, make her blush, hug her and coddle her like a babe. It was a small price to pay if it meant he would be able to gather all her secrets like the collector he was.</p>
  <p>A smile grew on his lips as he slowly drifted to sleep. Yes, it would be easy to turn her into his submissive little pet.</p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. thantophobia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A new character is introduced.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Platonia</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Chapter 3</strong>
</p><p>thantophobia – n. the phobia of losing someone you love</p><p> </p><p>When Walburga Black returned with her brother - and other family members as her family was more than large - to Hogwarts she had been excited to see Tom again, only to be startled at the sight of him with a girl she had never seen before. At first her eyes had sought him out instantly, finding him right away, his tall lean form being the thing she always looked for first every time she stepped into the dungeons. An excited „Tom!“ escaped her and so she started to hurry towards him him, expensive coat swishing behind her. But… something was different – wrong even - because he was smiling. And she hated it when he smiled at other girls. It wasn’t a huge smile by any means, but Walburga was a jealous vain girl.</p><p>Throughout Hogwarts history there had been a few transfer students. Most of the time due to the students moving to Great Britain. Most of all now as Grindelwald had started to spread his gain for power like a poisonous fog through all of Europe. Families fleeing from his political oppression came to the British Isles not wanting their children to be poisened by Grindelwalds seductive whisperings and promises of wealth and power. Muggleborn witches and wizard fleeing not only because of Grindelwald, but because of the dangers of another political being, Adolf  Hitler. So it came as no surprise when another student joined one of the four houses of Hogwarts in the middle of the year. The girl already wore green and she was the target of many – mostly curious – glances of Slytherin house. Tom greeted his fellow students only to introduce the new girl as Weronika Kucharska, someone of Polish origin, having visited a wizarding school of Poland - Czocha Wizarding College. She smiled shyly at them, something sweet about her, with large doe like blue eyes, that made boys swoon over her already. Apparantly Tom already knew things about her and explained her presence. Czocha was not a a big school, not like Hogwarts or Durmstrang, but it was understandable for her to be here. Poland was under a lot of pressure, being one of the first victims of not only Grindelwalds, but Hitlers regime as well. Both men were declared insane by their enemies, but nearly God like by their followers.</p><p>And now a foreign student had joined their ranks and the handsome Prefect was every girls dream, intelligent and attractive, charming and tall with deep dark eyes and a smile that could melt hearts, and his attention was solely on the foreigner. Walburga turned her hands into fists, thinking about how he was the only boy she truly ever wanted, even if he was an orphan, but he had been able to prove he was a pureblooded wizard. She didn’t know what exactly he had done or shown as evidence, but someone like him? There was no doubt he was purblooded. No muggleborn would be as intelligent and cunning as he. And there weren’t any muggleborns in Slytherin as well. Yes, someone with his abilites could only be a pureblood! There was really no doubt about it. All the girls had crushes on him and even if she was a year over him, it didn’t matter to her. Because age was just a number after all. She would have loved to be with him in the same year, but those things, sadly, no one could change. Not even her father.</p><p>Walburga hadn’t even reached him when she had stopped and stayed in place. Other students just swarmed past her, up to him, greeting him, hands on his shoulders, smiles and she heard the new girl being introduced with more depth to people that mattered to Tom. She was just a refugee from Poland or Germany, but it was Europe, and Tom had <em>smiled </em>at her, smiled with a warmth he should only ever direct at her. Walburga felt her fist clenching so hard her knuckles turned white.</p><p>Days passed and Walburga found out that the new girl had fled the continent with her family, who had died on the way to safety. Grindelwald was mercyless, but there wasn’t only Grindelwald, but Hitler too. And Weronika was more afraid of the muggles and their war than the magic that could hurt them; at which Walburga (and a few other purebloods) had scoffed. She also liked to be called Niki, spoke Polish and German, and was so nice, it was sickening. Walburga hated her with abandon. And whereever she was there was Tom, right beside her. It didn’t matter to Walburga that the professor asked him to look out for her, it didn’t matter that Weronika still needed medical attention and that she was too thin and too weak, no, all Walburga could see was how Tom seemingly doted on the foreign witch. It was sickening.</p><p>Her hate for the polish girl grew with every minute, every hour, that passed. She stood beside Tom, as if she belonged there, but it was wrong, all wrong! She, Walburga, belonged at his side, not this stupid girl, this too skinny, too ugly, too nice girl. She had even admitted at not being pureblood! And she was in Slytherin at that, too. Even worse, she wasn’t even halfblood, but muggleborn. Muggleborn! A muggleborn in Slytherin! Walburga couldn’t believe it. She was a mudblood, destroying Slytherins reputation. And destorying Toms life, of that Walburga was sure.</p><p>-</p><p>The common rooms were filled with conversation and Hogwarts was once again the home to many witches and wizards. It didn’t take long for rumors to be heard through the whole school – rumors about a transfer student, a girl, a new Slytherin member. Classes had already started a week ago and people were whispering everywhere about the new girl who had been introduced at one point during the first dinner where every student had been attending. She was the new hot topic of every conversation, people trying to get near her and talk to her, while the foreigner hid whenever she could. Most of the time she hid behind Tom and Tom <em>let her</em>. Walburgas jealousy was burning with a passion and it hurt so much she knew she would at some point aflame. She sneered at Olive and Ramona who were were delighted to have another girl in their dorm room. And she sat beside the Slytherin Prefect, too, when they were eating dinner on a Friday evening, one week after Walburgas arrival back to school. Tom and her seemed to be comfortable around each other, and Walburga observed the two of them with not-so-hidden malice. It was clear she didn’t like Tom paying attention to another girl, but on the other hand Walburga wasn’t able to pursue an open relationship with the Slytherin Prefect. He was an orphan, had no carrying name, no fortune, and her family would never allow her to marry him; any proof he had not important or high enough for the Black family. Because Tom was a no-one. Yes, he was getting a few funds as his intelligence and cunning had already convinced a few pureblooded adults to invest into his future, but it didn’t mean they would give him one of their precious pureblooded daughters. And it didn’t seem as if he was interested in romance at all. At least up till now. Walburga scowled. What did he see in this girl? She was nothing special, a stupid mudblood at that. The scowl deepend when she observed how Tom reached out to Weronika to put his long fingers onto the girls wrist, stopping her from eating too much and too fast, her stomach still needing to get used to the new food. It was a caring act and Weronika smiled up at him, said something to him only he could hear and he shook his head at which Weronika smile fell as disappointment crossed her features before she pouted at him. But he stayed strict and didn’t let go of her wrist. Walburga wished she could hear the exchange between them.</p><p>„So, Niki!“, suddenly both Weronikas and Toms attention was turned to Hugo Nott, a proud Slytherin, a fellow student in the same year as them, „So, we’ve all been getting kind of curious! We know you talk to Tom most of the time, and, well, at least I can admit I’m curious.“</p><p>„Curious? About what?“, Niki looked at him through her black trimmed glasses and Roderick, another Slytherin, only laughed: „You’re joking right? I mean… before you got to Hogwarts… you were at this school right? How was it there?“ Weronika sighed at that and Walburga observed her with every of her senses. She saw how Weronika tensed, just slightly, but at least Tom finally let go of her wrist to eat his own meal. Still, his attention stayed on the ongoing conversation listening in, just like everyone else that was in ear shot.</p><p>„Yeah, I went to Czocha College of Wizardry. And… well, they don’t have as many students as Hogwarts. Most of the students were muggleborn or halfblood because either Durmstrang or another school wouldn’t take… us.“, she stopped talking and her breath hitched as she took another deep breath, before shaking her head, „So, there ware five houses instead of four, each of the houses are based on a European culture. I was in Faust, which is based on German culture. Then there was Sendivogius based on Polish cutlure. Molin is based on jewish culture. Libussa is based on Czech culture and Durentius on Silesian culture. Faust, my old house, represents knowlegde and power. And… as far as I found out Slytherin values these things as well.“ At that she smiled a little at her fellow Slytherin and Walburga heard some girls and boys giggling or snickering. </p><p>„What were the other houses?“, a curious Olive Hornby asked, Ramona Zabini sitting beside her as the girls were best friends. They had accepted Weronika into their little group and were now a trio, because Weronika shared a room with them. Walburga hated how the younger girls seemed to be blind to the manipulations of the Polish girl.</p><p>„Oh, let me think…“, Weronika was frowning slightly as she remembered her old school, „Libussa was all about… Creativity? I think? For Sendivogius it was honor and diplomacy and for Molin… ah, cunning and… loyalty. So a little bit of Slytherin.“ For a moment she giggled, probably at some stupid mundane memory: „Then Dilentius was all about diligence. In every house were about forty to fifty students. Faust was really great and another thing it has in common with Slytherin is how people hold knowledge in high regard. Like… Wisdom is might. Which is actually Faust’s motto. And our symbol was the dragon, which… really is just another form of the snake.“ Weronika grinned and looked at Tom for a moment who send her an amused smile. Walburga had the urge to vomit and with an angry clatter she pushed her dinner away from her before standing up and walking out of the Great Hall. She couldn’t take anymore of this sickly sweet new love that was forming right before her very own eyes, her jealousy eating her up.</p><p>-</p><p>Hours later she could be seen wandering back and forth in her dorm room, like a tigress in her cage, her perfect manicured nails nibbled down to pink flesh. All she could see in front of her was the affectionate way in which Tom had touched and looked at Weronika. It didn’t matter that she interpreted too much into these looks and touches, that she saw things that weren’t there; she had already created her truth, the truth being the loving relationship of a weak mudblood and a wizard of royal blood. It didn’t matter that their relationship was purely platonic because all Walburga could see were caring touches between lovers. It didn’t matter that the teacher had made Weronika Toms respoinsibilty.</p><p>Lucretia sighed from her place on the bed, already in her nightgown and a diary in her lap: „You don’t really believe that Tom and her have something going on right?“</p><p>For the first time since she had changed Walburga stopped and dropped her hands. She looked at her cousin: „You know how boys can be! Just a little blushing and acting like some… some maiden in need and they fall head over heels!“</p><p>„I know.“, Lucretia rolled her eyes, „But this isn’t just any boy. This is Tom we are talking about. He wouldn’t just fall head over heels over a new girl that just came in during the Christmas holidays. And you seem to forget that she has some medical issues. He’s got the obligation to look after her as Prefect and all. The teachers made him do it, too.“</p><p>Walburga knew that. She knew that! But there was this part in her mind that was screaming at her, and the voices whispering into her ears, whispering how Tom would forget all about her, would forget everything she had done for him since the year had started, the things she would <em>still</em> do for him.</p><p>And then she remembered, that yes, he still needed her. She only had to remind him! He simply had forgotten what she was to him, that she was his to command and his to love. He simply needed to be reminded that the only girl, the only woman he needed in his life was her. So, Walburga took her chance when Weronika was at the Hospital Wing to get her check up and cornered Tom in the library at his favourite spot where no one would disturb them. It was Saturday night after all, the next day after Weronika had told them more about her old school.</p><p>„Tom.“, he didn’t look up from the books that laid out before him. The mean gleam in her eyes deepened and her smile turned predatory. She felt like the tigress stalking her prey, but she knew it wasn’t like that. He only let her be the tigress, because in reality he was the most beautiful predator she had ever seen. And she wanted him to be hers. So she dropped to her knees and started to started to crawl towards him, her palms touching the cold stone floor and her knees hurting. But she ignored any uncomfort she felt - or might feel.</p><p>At that he finally looked at her without moving. When he realized what she was doing he leaned back in his chair and spread his legs slightly, observing her every move with a bored expression on his face. But Walburga knew! She knew he was curious and she even prided herself in the knowledge that he loved seeing her like this, on her knees and crawling towards him. He was a commanding presence, but he was only human too, and a teenage boy at that. He was someone who always needed to be in control, but even someone like him needed to be able to let go of his frustrations, who needed an outlet. Walburga knew exactly how she was able to help him, having him use her for his frustrations.</p><p>Finally she reached him and he had pulled back slightly back with his chair after he had put his attention on her. She looked up at him a seductive darkness in her eyes and slowly she put her hands on his thighs, his legs muscular from playing Quidditch. She loved him, his body, his beauty, his darkness. He was everything she wanted in a future husband. Under her wandering fingers his muscles twitched and she couldn’t help herself but grin at him. Tom simply stared down at her, nothing betraying what he was thinking.</p><p>„Tom… I… haven’t been alone with you in so long, so… I was thinking… maybe… now would be the perfect time to change that.“, she whispered and he licked his lower lip. Maybe in anticipation, maybe because of dry lips; nontheless, the action made her body tingle with rising desire. He moved slightly and he pushed his foot towards her in a slow and silent command she understood without words. Her smile fell as she felt triumphant because he was letting her do this. He was giving in to his bodily desires.</p><p>Slowly she followed the order and bent down, putting her weight on her hands on the floor, until her lips could touch the worn out leather of his black shoes. She kissed the material before she licked it and tasted it. Again he shifted and she followed the movement as he spread his legs more to give her more access. Usually he talked more during these kinds of things but maybe he was curious how far she would go. She had never been this forward in a public space, they were in the library after all. Anytime a student or teacher could find them in this kind of position. But Walburga didn’t care. She wasn’t aroused by it either, because the only thing that aroused her was Tom. Toms hands, Toms musk, Toms skin, Toms voice. It didn’t matter where they were as long as it was him. Her breath hitched as she saw the tent in his black trousers. A soft blush was painting her cheeks as she moved her hands to open his belt. The clinking noise of his belt buckle as she finally managed to open it echoed in the silence that stretched all around the two of them. For a moment her heart stopped as she listened if anyone else might have hurt the clinking noise. But no. They were alone. And then her fingers found the button and the zipper and she pulled it down. His boxer briefs were revealed to her and she could feel the growing hardness under her fingertips as she pulled the fabric down to reveal the nakedness underneath it. But then there was his hand clutching her fingers.</p><p>„No.“, he commanded quietly, „Only your mouth.“</p><p>Nothing in his eyes betrayed the arousal he felt, but Walburga knew better, could feel and see and smell it. She nodded and gave her consent to this. Because at the end of the day she had been the one to confront him, to fall to her knees, to start all of this. Her black hair was pushed back from her face and his fingertips brushed the pale skin of her forehead, and she keened at this loving gesture. If she were a cat she would have purred.</p><p>She heard a quiet short laugh from above: „You really are a wanton slut, aren’t you Walburga?“</p><p>Walburga nodded at that as she licked her lips and opened her mouth. She could see the first droplets of his precum on the tip of his cock and her mouth watered. He was the sun she revolved around, he was the centre of her universe, and there was euophoria in her actions as she put her lips around the tip and sucked. She heard the hitch of his breath at the action and her inner tigress grinned and purred at that.</p><p>Walburga felt pride at being the only girl he had ever done something like this with – at least she liked to believe that. She pulled him deeper into her mouth and she could feel his fingers in the scalp of her head tightening into her hair and she closed her eyes. Her tongue stroked the warm skin and started to move her head up and down, moved her tongue around his tip how he liked it, how she knew he liked it from experience. He had never fucked her mouth, never pushed into her throat because even in the throws of passion he liked to keep his cool, liked to keep his control. Everything she had done for him – sexually and otherwise – she had done of her own volition.</p><p>A soft grunt escaped his lips and she opened her eyes at that, looked up at him and she moved her head towards him until his cock bumped against the back of her throat. She breathed through her nose and her eyes were glazed over with lust. She could feel wetness coating her thighs as she hoped he would want to go further with her when she was finished with this act. She wanted to feel him inside her, deep and thrusting, wanted to feel his muscles twitch and his fingers on her mouth to keep her silent, wanted to feel her arousal dripping onto his thighs. So she moved her head faster, felt the tightening of his grip in her hair and through all of this she looked up at him. His eyes weren’t closed, he was looking down at her, and she knew he liked seeing her like this, on her knees and her mouth stuffed with his cock.</p><p>Good girl Weronika would never do something like this for him.</p><p>Do you see?, she thought to herself, No one would do something like this for you. I am the only one for you.</p><p>Without a warning he spilled inside of her and instead of pulling out she had to swallow every drop. Tom liked it when she swallowed his very essence. Or maybe it was just her that liked it. He kept her head in position and she could feel his erection softening. Moments passed and then, when his breathing finally calmed he let go of her and slowly pulled out of her mouth. She leaned back, licked her lips and looked up to him, hoping he wasn’t finished with her, the taste of his cum on her tongue.</p><p>Tom closed his trousers, pulled the zipper up and closed the belt. Disappointment washed through her like rain.</p><p>„You can go now.“, he told her coldly and pulled the book he had read before she had come.</p><p>„But Tom-“, she whined at him like a child and when he looked at her again there was a scowl etched into his features: „Walburga, I am grateful for what you did, but I don’t have the time to statisfy your needs. So leave.“</p><p>She pressed her lips to a thin line and stayed on her knees. But Tom had started to ignore her and dismissed her with his words and actions, that pierced through her heart like an arrow. Had she reminded him? Did he know he only needed her? Minutes passed until she gave up and stood up from her kneeling position. She dusted of her skirt and felt unstatisfied and unhappy at how everything had played out but she could still taste him on her lips as she licked them again.</p><p>Walburga looked over her shoulder to him and knew he would only get angry at her if she stayed any longer. So she left wetness clinging to her skin like a curse.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, here she is, Walburga Black in the flesh. What do you think of my portrayal of her?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. xenization</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Platonia</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Chapter 4</strong>
</p><p>xenization – n. the act of existing as a stranger</p><p>The first few nights had been hard. At first there had been times she had vomited at night, from nightmares that had plagued her sleep, of food she should have not eaten or because of remembering the things she had witnesse. Her insomnia had only worsened and her demons had followed her through time and space to torture her. Then there was the fact that she felt like a stranger at a place that was supposed to feel like home. She didn’t belong here, didn’t belong to this school, should have never been a part of this and she felt this constant tug at her skin, her magic and the scripts on her body urging her to be used. Because her life was not linear anymore. Her body, her soul, have stitched themselves into the everflow of life and with this came the feeling of forever feeling like a stranger. It didn’t matter where she was or whom she was with. Weronika always ignored the tugging urge of her magic, her wand sometimes acting out and spurting out sparkles of sizzling light. But she couldn’t leave. There was a reason for her presence and she knew why she was here, knew her purpose but at the same time didn’t know any… anything, really. Everything had happened so fast and now she was here and now… what? What should she do? Sometimes she thought about just restarting her life. Just… living in the moment. At the Here and Now. Just letting her past behind her and taking up this chance at building a new identity and carving out a new life. And then she remembered his face, the pain in his eyes, remembered her tears, the scars on her soul, and remembered all her friends – her <em>family</em> – and came to the realization that she would never be able to betray them like this. Not that it would be possible to begin with with Grindelwald and Hitler slowly getting more and more power throughout the world, and owing a debt she had to repay at some point.</p><p>And if she was being honest with herself it felt otherwordly, being here, in this Hogwarts that wasn’t her own, but at the same time was now a part of her life. Everything was and felt different but the same. She knew the halls, had been here before, in another life, a happier life. Before everything turned to shit.</p><p>Praying helped with the anguish she felt even though she had never been overly religious. Maybe at the beginning, praying every morning and every evening as she had been taught from an early age. The older she had gotten the harder it had been for her to believe in this invisible being. She believed less and less, and started to believe in her own Gods and Demons. At least not like the typical polish girl. Her mother had believed strongly in God, had believed in heaven and hell, and sins and purgatory, and had even said that Christmas was more important than her own childrens birthday. Because what was her birthday if not only a small drop, when the birth of Gods son was the ocean? Naturally it had hurt her. Then it had become worse. Her mother had started to go to church nearly every day, had started to buy things that were clearly just frauds, and had started to say things that were so outreagous that her mother had changed into a stranger. Her step-father, being an evangelist, played along with it, and whenever she and her mother were fighting he would jump into the fight and took the side her mother (of course, <em>OF COURSE he would</em>) and she would hear things that hurt so much her heart would bleed from old scars and new wounds. On such days, when she lied in bed at night, she had fallen asleep crying and hugging her soft toy. Being Czoch most time of the year had been a blessing.</p><p>After years of hurt and abuse she had stopped caring about her birthday and came to accept – no, not accept, but resigend to - the fact that she would never be as important to her mother as God or Jesus or the Holy Spirit.</p><p>Although, there were happy memories too. Going to church and listening to the choirs, to the music, being sucked into another world, as if she had stepped into Narnia, a magical realm all on its own. The kindness of strangers, children being celebrated and then her own prayers, secret wishes and wants and desires that only God knew about, clutching the golden pendant of her necklace in a tight grip. It was calming praying every evening as she lay awake in her bed, the privacy of her prayers helping with her anxiety. Even if the bigger part of her self had stopped believing in God a long time ago. Because God was dead.</p><p>Then the other students returned. It came as a surprise to her fellow Slytherins that she was here, a new girl, a new student. Ramona and Olive were especially excited about their new roommate. All of them were excited, asked her questions and smiled at her, while through all of this Weronika hated the attention. She wanted to be left alone, wanted to hide behind Tom, who was standing beside her, but remembered they needed to keep some distance. Not because she was afraid to fall in love with him, which was a ridiculous idea, but because she didn’t want to depend on him. She wanted to be independent and strong as her loathing towards herself only worsened with every cowardly decision she had made. Which was way she was here, standing beside him, and trying to carve out a new identity in this strange world that was different but so much like the world she had left behind. Even if she felt like a stranger in her own skin, her body and magic not her own anymore.</p><p>Regardless her notions and musings she couldn’t help herself and stepped more onto him as she had been in a conversation about runes and old scripts when the students had started to swarm into the common room. Without realising it, nor wanting to, she looked for the sense of safety by being in close proximity with him; so she put her hand on his arm, pressed her body slightly against his own as if she was trying to shield herself from all these teenagers and the unwanted attention she was being presented with now. Minutes passed and people rambled and talked and shared their experiences while her anxiety grew with every passing second. At some point Tom must have realized her discomfort.</p><p>„Enough.“, instantly the conversation came to a halt and all the eyes were pointed at him. The authority in his voice was so commanding the students surrounding them had even stopped moving. He released her grip on his arm and put his hand on the small of her back: „Miss Kucharska and I have a few things to talk about. I would be grateful if you would give us some space.“ That was all it took before the students took off and left them alone, here and there a word of encouragement and greetings, some people stating they had missed Tom. When they were finally alone he put some distance between them and Weronika… Wernika blushed in emberrassment: „…thank you.“</p><p>At that he looked down at her but she hugged herself and stared down on the floor. She didn’t like all the attention, her heart racing and the tightness in her chest making it hard for her to breath.</p><p>„You’re welcome.“</p><p>After that Weronika tried to keep to herself. Which was easier said than done because the Slytherins sought her out and actively looked for her. Never had she hated attention as much as she did at the moment. She was a broken person, but only now did she recognize how broken she truly was. At some point she had fled the common room to the shared dorm room and went inside the bathroom to hide her panic attack. Breathing was getting harder and harder and it felt as if a ton was pressing down on her lungs. Tears were burning in her eyes without falling and she just felt as if she was fucking dying. Quietly she used the tricks she had learned throughout her life, counted backwards from ten, hummed a song, or used her senses by distracting herself from her inner anguish and instead focusing on the feel of the floor underneath cold fingers or the smell of water and lake in her nose or the feel of her teeth under her tongue.</p><p>Then there were Olive Hornby and Ramona Zabini. The two girls loved having another girl by their side and they shared the gossip with her, asked her about being alone with Tom, but Weronika tried to keep to herself. Only the two girls wouldn’t let her. One night, only few days after the arrival of the other students, when a nightmare was torturing her, they found out. As soon as Weronikas eyes had snapped open she had seen Olives worried face hovering above her own. A gasp left her mouth and she felt her body tremble and twitch, her muscles having a life of their own and her nerve endings buzzing with the need to survive. She had nearly jumped out of the bed, but the two bodies beside her made her press herself against the end of the bed instead.</p><p>„Niki, it’s alright… hush…“, Olive carefully reached out to her and softly stroked her hair as Ramona sat beside them in Weronikas bed. Ramona was reaching out to her as well, took her hand into her own and holding on to her hand as the pureblood witches shared worried glances with each other. Tears were streaming down Weronikas cheeks leaving a salty taste on her lips and she couldn’t stop herself, couldn’t help herself, when sobs were wrecking her body painfully.</p><p>It took some time until she had finally calmed down enough.</p><p>„Do you… have them often?“, Ramonas soft voice, ladden with her mild italian accent, broke the silence and sniffling Weronika nodded. „It’s alright, you know? To have nightmares. To cry.“</p><p>„Ramona’s right, you know?“, Olive hadn’t let go of her, neither had Ramona. Weronikas response only ended in more tears, having missed the caring touch of another human being.</p><p>She didn’t remember when she fell asleep. Then the days merged into weeks until the first month of the year was ending.</p><p>Students were buzzing with excitement about the nearing Quidditch match. Ravenclaw versus Slytherin. Bets were exchanged and words of encouragement to the rivaling teams. Weronika wasn’t particularly interested in Quidditch, had never been, and she wasn’t a fan of getting onto a broom either. She had nothing against flying per se, but on a broom? No, thank you. She just felt uncomfortable on one. But when she found out that charming Tom Riddle was also a team member of the Quidditch team she developed a new found interest in the sport. </p><p>In the little time she had been here and observed him she had found out that he liked being alone, that he was nice and charming to everyone, that he was attentive and never raised his voice. He just seemed like the steretypical popular teenage boy. There was nothing wrong with him. Nothing. He laughed with the other students, joked around and he smiled. All the time she had thought the only thing he was interested in would be his academics and magic. But the more she thought about it the more his popularity made sense. Quidditch was a beloved sport and many students attended the games. Not only was it well liked at school but also throughout the world. Being a part of a Quidditch team in an institution like Hogwarts would gain some points, more so if one was already as handsome and charming as Tom Riddle.</p><p>So, now she found herself at the Quidditch field, standing in the cold and observing Tom flying on a broom and discussing strategies with his teammates. At first no one realized she was watching, as other students were watching, too. Mostly fangirls giggling and making heart eyes at Tom. She couldn’t really blame them. If she had been at Hogwarts from the very beginning and had grown up with him through their teenage years she probably would have fallen in love with him, too. Or at least would have had a little crush on him. But she hadn’t been here since first year and only arrived in December after Christmas. And the possibility of her falling in love was minimal. Tom was captivating and, yes, she had to be honest with herself. Because he was incredibly alluring. It was alluring watching him, observing him, and trying to find out the riddle that he was. Heh… Riddle. She had to snicker to herself at that.</p><p>During her stay here their relationship had been… strange, to say the least. He had taken care of her, showed her around and had helped her with homework and lessons. He had been attentive and forthcoming, he also had been instructed to have an eye on her health, and reminded her more often than not when it was time for one of her appointments at the hospital wing. He was strangely caring. But maybe that was all just an act. Because now, after the holidyas had ended he had put some more distance between them. It didn’t matter that he had warned her he wouldn’t have as much time for her anymore, she ignored that particular fact, because honestly? She was saddened by the distance he put between them. Which was really fucking great.</p><p>„Weronika?“, she came out of her musings and looked up at him as he was walking towards her, broom in hand. She hadn’t payed attention and he probably had spotted her standing on the sidelines. There was a scowl on his handsome face and she already knew he was not happy about her presence.</p><p>„What are you doing here? You shouldn’t be outside, your health-„ „Yes, yes, I know.“, she rolled her eyes at him and she saw his jaw tensing. No one really ever interrupted him, which was one of the many things she had observed. Students respected him to the point of him not being just some kind of student. Some respected him even more than they did most of the teachers. A very selected group had even shown fear towards him, which had at first confused her but at some point made her understand how much influence he truly held in this school. No one dared to oppose him, and that included interrupting him. Which she had just done. And she had always liked playing with fire and stucking her nose in things that had nothing to do with her, didn’t she? How did the saying go? Curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back. He probably didn’t like how she could get noisy and ask question that really were no business of her. But she had warned him hadn’t she? She had poor impulse control!</p><p>„But I didn’t know you were part of the Quidditch team until now so… I got curious.“, she shrugged at that and hid her cold hands in the depth of her pockets, „I wanted to see you play, I guess.“ Weronika heard him sigh and she looked up at him.</p><p>„I am responsible for you.“, he told her with a tone she couldn’t quite grasp. For a moment he seemed to be surprised at himself before he masked his expression into a perfect mask no one could breach. She only shrugged again: „Well… yeah… but I don’t think you have to be responsible for me for the rest of the school year. I’m fine, really. My wounds have healed and I have gained some weight. You don’t have to look after me anymore, really. Not that you have looked after me much lately, but still…“</p><p>He raised his hand and rubbed his fingers along his jaw as he was mulling over her words in his head. In a way, she was right. However, she was still an enigma to him, something he had no control over. Because he still wasn’t able to read her mind. Of course he had researched as much as possible but he just couldn’t find anything. Why couldn’t he look into the depths of her mind? He did it all the time to other people, most of the time to unassuming students, which is how he had been able to become as popular as he was. Well, partly. Being handsome helped a lot in that regard.</p><p>Weronik, however, had the sudden urge to be petty. And then it came to her. A bludgher could have as well hit her in the head, because <em>Oh</em>. Her feelings were hurt. She felt as if he had just thrown her aside. He made her feel like a nuisance, but maybe it was all in her head? It might be. She had never been that good at knowing peoples true intentions, always assuming the worst while at the same time believing naivly into the goodness of people. She was a person full of contradictions. At least she had been like that. Her friends, she had left behind, had helped a lot in shaping the person she was today. They taught her the ways of reading intentions and trusting her gut.</p><p>She dropped her gaze and as he stepped towards her she saw his shoes. They were wet and full of snow, but clean and looked after. He took care of his things and was always organized. The complete opposite of her. Everything she touched became a chaotic mess and she was envious of him being able to stay tidy. Weronika wished she could be as organized and tidy as he was, but she knew that was only wishful thinking.</p><p>„I told you I wouldn’t have much time for you.“</p><p>She nodded at that but didn’t answer him. And then she wondered about herself. What did she want to accomplish? Just because he had been nice to her, more patient than anyone before him, it didn’t mean she had any claim over him. It was ridiculous, really. Blood rushed to her cheeks as shame made her eyes burn.</p><p>„…sorry. I’ll… I’ll leave you alone.“, without looking at him she turned around and left him standing there. His eyes burned a hole through her back as she fled his overbearing presence. She stepped inside Hogwarst halls and lost herself in thought as she wandered aimlessly, trying to reflect on her choices and the life she was living now.</p><p>With a gulp she stopped walking. She really was a fool.</p><p>Following him to the Quidditch ground, observing him on his broom, looking at him with some sort of adoration as a few strands of wet hair had fallen into his forehead, and just being her awkward self. And it really was unfair how goodlooking he was. No wonder all the girls (and few boys) were lusting after him. Alright, she had to admit she was one of those girls too, imganing what it would be like if she were more intimate with him. Weronika shook her head and proceeded her walk. <em>A list</em>, she thought to herself, <em>is what I need</em>. A pro and contra list, everything that would help ease her mind and order her thoughts. One thing that she definetly needed to do was to put some distance between Tom and herself, not physical but emotional distance. Maybe she should befriend other people. But what she needed the most at the moment was a place to stay, a place were she could hide from Tom, from Olive and Ramona, from Dumbledore, from <em>everyone.</em> A place that would feel like safety and comfort. A place she could call truly home.</p><p>From the corner of her eyes she saw a strange movement and when she looked up a door started to appear in the wall. Wary of any witnesses she looked around but she was alone. Licking her lips she decided to find out what the school wanted to show her and so she reached out her hand and opened the magical door. As she stepped inside the room her eyes widdened at the interior of the place, her heart quickening in her chest.</p><p>„Niesamowite…“, the word left her mouth in wonder and the door behind her fell closed as she stepped further into it.</p><p>It was dark outside when she stepped back into the common room. Some of Tom closest friends stood with him and they were talking with each other. One must have told some kind of joke as they either laughed or smiled or chuckled. Walburga was pressed against Tom on the armchair. They looked like a couple. As soon as Tom discovered her arrival he dropped the conversation and before she knew it he was walking towards her. The smile had left his face, instead he seemed quite unhappy. With her? When he came to a halt before her he crossed his arms across his broad chest and his eyes burned with anger.</p><p>„What?“, had she done something wrong? No, not really, she quickly deduced. She had just fled a shameful situation she had put herself into. Tom probably hadn’t expected her reaction to his anger and she saw the tensing of his jaw. This little habit always happened when he wasn’t happy with something, or when he was angry; one of his habits she had picked up on.</p><p>„Where have you been?“, he asked her and for am moment he reminded her of a overprotective father. She rolled her eyes at him as she had done hours ago when they had met on the Quidditch field: „Dancing werewolves, kissing dementors, the ususal. Why?“ Oh, she should not have said that. Because he really had not liked that. Before she knew what was happning he grabbed her wrist and pulled her out of the common room. Probably for a more private place were they could discuss why he was so angry with her. And probably to murder her and hide her body. It did seem like a plausible possibilty of him murdering her in cold blood. His minions would probably hide the body, too.</p><p>Weronika let him drag her behind him until he stopped before the empty potions classroom. Slughorn had already went to his own chambers for the night. He pulled her into the room before he followed her inside it. He closed the door behind him before he leaned against the door fram, crossing his arms across his broad chest.</p><p>Neither raised their voices. The silence stretched into something she couldn’t understand. His eyes didn’t leave her face as she shuffled her feet awkwardly and compeltly out of her element. He made her feel as if she was a little girl. Weronika dropped her gaze, again, and was quite fascinated by the stone pattern on the floor. She started to draw the pattern, following it with the tip of her shoe.</p><p>Minutes passed, and then a sigh. Without looking up she knew he had pushed himself from the door frame as his steps echoued in the silence they had created. He stopped before her and she had to stop redrawing the floor pattern, and still, he said nothing. What did he want from her? But then he touched her. Fingers brushed her cheek and her eyes widdened at this sweet gesture. The look on his face was not one she had expected. He looked at her as if he was calculating something, as if he couldn’t figure her out. Which was ridiculous because she was so easy to read. But then she remembered a particular conversation where she had been told that no, she was not so easy to read as she liked to believe. Slytherin house was perfect for her. In more ways than one.</p><p>Slowly his palm was pressed against her cheek and she froze under his touch. She had stopped breathing and he seemed to be deep in thought. Well, it didn’t like as if she was going to get murdered any time soon. The words escaped her as she opened her mouth to say <em>something</em>, but all she could think about was how long it had been since she had been touched like this. No, scratch that. No one had ever touched her like this. She had gotten hugs and kisses but no one has ever pressed his palm against her cheek as if she was something delicate. As if he still had to figure out in which ways to approach her. But she was just a human being and not a puzzle, so why did he look at her like that?</p><p>„Tom-“, before she could ask him what this was all he interrupted her: „You should be more careful.“ His hand left her skin and he dropped it to his side as his eyes focused on her face.</p><p>„You are still recovering.“, he told her, „Professor Slughorn reminded me today that, as Prefect, you fall under my responsibilty. We share all the classes together, so it’s easier for me than for any teachers to look after you. And when you just disappeared… I got worried. I tried to look for you but you were nowhere. No one had seen you after our meeting outside. You are my duty, Weronika. And I take my duties very seriously.“</p><p> „Oh, fuck off Tom!“, the venom she was spewing was something she wasn’t able to control, and neither of them would have been able to predict her reaction, „I survived forbidden magic, survived the fucking Nazis and fucking Grindelwald! So believe me when I say that I am perfectly capable of looking after myself! In Hogwarts! Because Hogwarts is the safest fucking place to be! And I am NOT your duty! I am not just… some homewor! I am not… not some essays to write or book to read. So, don’t bullshit me. You were worried about me? Fine! Then tell me so! But don’t try to spew this… this bullshit! Don’t act as if you really cared about me. Because you only care about your reputation.“</p><p>His fingers twitched at her words. He wanted to grab her, to scream at her, but he refrained himself. Control was something he needed, craved even, in all aspects of his life; more so when it came to emotions of anger and rage. Then he aksed himself: Was he worried about her? No, it wasn’t worry. It was about getting more information out of her. And forbidden magic? Grindelwald? Had she met the man? She held more secrets than he had first expected, because there had to be a reason for his inabilty to access into her mind. The little outburst also wasn’t something he had expected. In all those days he had known her she had never seemed like the angry type. As if she had no energy left to get angry. In all the time he had known and observed her she had always seemed timid, small and shy. Never angry.</p><p>While Tom was trying to think of the correct way to react Weronika was shocked. Awestruck. Flabbergasted. Because she had just now yelled at Tom Riddle, the guy who had been by her side since she had arrived. Oh god. Tears sprang to her eyes and shame bubbled inside her core. Now angry at herself she wiped the first tears with the back of her hand.</p><p>„…you are wrong.“, Tom quietly whispered and slowly approached her as if she was a scared animal he didn’t want to scare. In a way she was. She felt like prey, like a victim and she hated it. She didn’t want to hide anymore, didn’t want to fall into the dangers and comfort of blaming everyone else. She needed to take responsibilty for all her actions, she knew that. More tears spilled over and the next thing she knew a sob was leaving her body and a warm body embracing her.</p><p>Weronika found out another thing about Tom Riddle as she cried in his arms. He was good at comforting people in distress.</p><p>Neither knew how long they stayed in the potions classroom, but when her tears were mostly dry and her anger had left her body she pulled away from her. His arms let go of her and fell to his sides. His embrace had never been crushing or painful, but warm and soft in a way that reminded her of sunshine on a warm spring day.</p><p>„Sorry…“, she mumbled, smiling shyly and feeling incredibly awkward.</p><p>Tom just waved it off, worry still etched onto his features: „It’s quite alright. But, are you feeling better?“</p><p>Shyly she nodded and stared at the wet spot on his clothing her crying and sobbing had left: „Yeah, thanks… but… I do feel a little hungry.“</p><p>„No wonder, you were absent at dinner. You shouldn’t skip any meals.“, the worried look she had started to know so well passed his feature and, again, she nodded, as he waved his hand without much thought removing the stain her tears had left on his clothing.</p><p>„… you’re right. And… I do feel a little weak…“, she tugged at the sleeves of uniform as she felt the exhaustion deep in her body. Which was strange, because hadn’t she relaxed just an hour earlier? Apparently, not really. Holding control on her emotions, on her magic, her body, was so fucking exhausting.</p><p>Suddenly her hand was grabbed and Tom started to pull her towards the door: „Tom!“</p><p>„You’re hungry, right?“, he threw her a disarming smile over his shoulder and any protest she might have had left her body. Stupid handsome teenage boys with their stupid pretty smiles.</p><p>Weronika should have expected his decision of bringing her to the kitchens. The house elves happily gave her a late dinner, and at first she thought Tom would leave her, but instead he stayed with her, drank some tea while they kept their silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable though. It was the kind of silence one held when reading books with strangers in a library. Only, Tom and her weren’t strangers. School buddys? Maybe friends. But Wernoika didn’t ask and kept her silence while she ate her meal. After that he walked her to the dorms until they had to part ways. They told their good nights, Weronika went to the bathroom for a hot shower and when she went to bed she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.</p><p>She dreamed of nothing.</p><p>-</p><p>Of course they had won. Having a strategist like Tom was a huge advantage full on its own. She hadn’t watched the game, but she was present as the students came back from the match, howling and cheering, Tom amidst them grinning a triumphant grin. Never had she seen him as relaxed as he was now. Maybe this was a good opportunity? Decision made she tried to make it through the crowd which was easier said than done but when she had reached him Walburga Black was hanging on his arm and looking at him as if he had hung the stars at the sky. A person had to be blind not to see the adoration Walburga held for the Slytherin Prefect. And most of the time he let her cling to him.</p><p>„Tom!“, when Weronika reached him she smiled brightly at him and he turned his gaze towards her. She tried to forget their last conversation and simply decided to ignore it altogether. He was smiling at her, which was a win in Weronikas book. His smile never wavered, too, but Walburga? She looked at her as if she had bitten into a lemon when Weronika had came tot hem.</p><p>„Congratulations!“, Weronika pushed away a few strands of her hair, „I wasn’t at the game, but…“ She gestured towards the crowd and grinned: „I can guess our team has won this match. So… congrats.“</p><p>„Thank you.“, he nodded at her and their eyes met. Her smile softened. He really was just a teenage boy enjoying his life. It was unfair of her depending on him as she had done from the beginning. He really could have a great future ahead of him and with his intelligence and talents he could do so many things. Maybe - and she knew this was hopelessly naive – she could help him. Because she liked him. As a friend. Even if he already had all those friends surrounding him. Yes, Weronika really wanted to be his friend.</p><p>There was nothing more to say, no more words to exchange as she felt the shift of the atmosphere turning into something awkward. Walburgas gaze felt like acid.</p><p>„So… I’ll… be going now.“, she started to go backwards and she raised her hands, a grin growing on her lips, her eyes twinkling through the glasses as she fingergunned the couple, „Have fun.“ Suddenly hot emberrassment washed through her and she blushed furiously. She fled the scene instnatly. Because, <em>fingerguns</em>? Really? Had she not fled the scene in emberrassment of her own actions she might have seen the amusement in his eyes.</p><p>As the celebrations continued she left the common room, hugging herself, and a fierce blush still adoring her cheeks. She still couldn’t get over the fact that she had fingergunned Tom fucking Riddle. She groaned as the scene played before her eyes over and over again, her feet carrying her towards the library. She knew she wouldn’t be able to look into his eyes ever again. He probably was confused, but… did wizards acutally knew about guns? Well, Tom must know. Him, growing up in muggle London and all, knowing about it because of Olives and Ramonas gossiping. Deep in thought and emberrassment she didn’t watch which way she was going and suddenly she collided with a hard body.</p><p>„Uff.“, she stumbled backwards, nearly fell, but quickly a rough hand grabbed her arm and then she was looking at the tallest student she had ever seen. Slowly she realized that despite his size he looked more like a young kid.</p><p>„Sorry…“, he let go of her when he was sure she wouldn’t lose her balance, „Wasn’t looking were I was goin‘…“</p><p>„Oh, it’s-it’s fine, really.“, she blinked up at him and it became clear he was a Gryffindor student, red and golden colours adoring his uniform, and before she could stop herself she introduced herself, „The name’s Niki by the way. And I wasn’t exacty looking were I was going either, soo…“ She shrugged her shoulders and was rewarded with a shy smile.</p><p>„Name’s Hagrid.“, the kid looked cute in his own kind of way and she felt her motherly instincts crying out for him.</p><p>„You’re huge.“, she told him out of nowhere – poor impulse control – and she saw how he suddenly tried to be smaller, shrugging and pulling up his shoulders, leaning his head forward; and then he was mumbling an apology. Weronika frowned: „Why are you apologizing?“</p><p>Now he seemed genuinely surprised: „Because… I’m huge? A-An‘ scary?“ She scoffed at that: „You don’t seem scary to me.“</p><p>„…I’mma half giant.“, he explained as if that would say everything, as if that was reason enough to be scared of him and she tipped her head side ways: „Do you want me to be scared of you?“ Now, that question surprised him.</p><p>„…no?“, he seemed so unsure and shy and pure she wanted to protect him even more, if that was possible.</p><p>She giggled: „Are you asking me?“</p><p>„…no.“</p><p>„You’re cute.“, she told him with another giggle and he probably had never met a person like her before, but experience had made her tolerant in many things. Growing up as a polish kid in a small bavarian town could do that to a girl.</p><p>„So, Hagrid, where are you going?“</p><p>„‘was just…“, he rubbed the back of his neck, his clothing barely fitting him. As she took him in some more she saw how some parts of his clothing were ripped and dirty, but he was dirty as well, as if he had rolled around in the mud. What had happened to him?</p><p>„… well, on ma way to the ‘ospital Wing.“, he finally confessed and she nodded: „Want me to accompany you?“</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. fyrgevraec</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Platonia</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Chapter 05</strong>
</p><p>fyrgevraec – n. the distinct, sharp, crackling or breaking sound made by fire</p><p>-</p><p>The school was preparing for the celebrations and students were giddy and excited. Which was understandable. Soon they would celebrate the holiday of Imbolc which meant that the day after the celebration all lessons would be cancelled. Schoolstaff and students alike helped with the preperations and everything that was happening outside of Hogwarts was forgotten, pushed into the back of young minds and worried adults. For the first time since Weronika had arrived she was looking forward to something. She happily helped the girls trying to find something to wear for the evening, the girls hoping to maybe find a cute guy to dance with, and maybe share a kiss with.</p><p>Weronika softly pushed the stem of a few flowers into Ramonas hair whose eyes were shining with cheerful glee. They all were looking forward to the celebrations. Every student was invited to attend, no one was too young or too small to attend, so Weronika could understand the excitement. Olive had even lent her a dress, a beautiful white thing with lace adorning the hems of the sleeves, with beautiful silver buttons. A ribbon made out of lace was bound under her bust and the fabric flowed freely down to the middle of her calfs. The clothing was enchanted with heating charms and students had asked other students to help. Some had even asked the Professors to help with the charms, which in return a few teachers had turned into lessons. Weronika herself had needed a little help to with the charms, getting frustrated, but Ramona was talented in charms and helped both her and Olive. Yellow gorse flowers were added to their hairstyles, hair prettily woven in complex patterns. Weronika had flowers in her hair, too, but instead of yellow gorse like Ramona and Olive she had decided on white snowdrops. They put a little of make up on their faces too and Weronika decided on a darker brown reddish colour that was matte and not shiny like Ramonas dark red or Olives innocent pink.</p><p>It had been a long time since she had felt this pretty. She had nearly forgotten how fun it could be being a teenage girl, talking and sharin secrets, exchanging their fashion senses and opinion on the newest trends. Any jewellery was put away though, and her heart was beating with a rush of warmth and thrill.</p><p>When she had her shoes on, the brown thin leather shoes she felt ready to take anything on, having decided on putting on foot wear instead of going barefoot like many other students would do. Her wand was tucked behind her ear and then she was ready to go.</p><p>„Come on!“, Olive was giddiy, her whole body buzzing and constantly moving one way or another, being the first one finished with getting ready.</p><p>„Yes, yes, I’m coming!“, Weronika laughed, being the last one because she had decided on her wearing shoes, and took Ramonas hand to leave their dormitory, their little tokens of sacrifice in their hands. When they made it into the common room several girls were dressed in a simmilar manner and Weronika felt… happiness. Boys hadn’t put that much thought into their outfits, but it didn’t matter. What mattered was the fun they were going to have. From the corner of her eye she saw a familiar figure. Walburga was hanging on his arm, her black hair curled and a knot of hair on top of her head, and overall she just looked lovely. Tom looked as handsome as ever, but instead of the constant black that was part of the uniform he wore a simple shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows with black slacks, the shirt tucked into them. He was barefoot.</p><p>„Niki!“, someone hissed behind her, but Weronika ignored both Ramona and Olive to get to him. She couldn’t help herself but wanting to share the excitement with him. Walburga didn’t look to happy to being interrupted but Weronika couldn’t care less. As lovely as Walburga looked she had a nasty personality, constantly talking about pure blood and how she thought what Grindelwald did was a good thing. Weronika had to stop herself from slapping the shit out of the black haired girl several times.</p><p>„Weronika.“, Tom’s silky voice greeted her and she felt his gaze roaming over her. It wasn’t sexual, still she couldn’t stop the growing blush, „You look pretty.“</p><p>„Thank you!“, she grinned at him and ignored her blush, „You look very handsome, too.“</p><p>He snorted at that, because he knew that. Of course he knew that. The knowing glint in his eyes told her enough, together with his knowing smirk. Weronika rolled her eyes, but the wide smile betrayed her: „Don’t look so smug, you ass.“</p><p>He only chuckled and both ignored the Black heiress and the gasp that left her mouth as Weronika called him an ass.</p><p>„But I’m a very handsome arse. I dare say, even my arse is pretty.“</p><p>„Oh my god.“, Weronika laughed and put her hand on her tummy and fently hit him with her fist in mock anger, “You’re full of it, you know?” It felt good to laugh so freely. Just living the moment. He just grinned at her.</p><p>„Jokes aside, I’m here because…“, she was stretching the silence on purpose and he knew that. But she wanted to have him hooked. Which she had after a few seconds: „…because?“</p><p>„One dance! You have to save up one dance for me!“, the words left her excitedly because she really was looking forward to a dance with Tom.</p><p>She hadn’t realized Olives and Ramonas presence behind her, when suddenly Olive grabbed her arm: „Niki! Don’t take so long! I want to get good spots at the bonfire!“ She nearly jumped at that, her heart skipping several beats before turning to her friend and flatmate.</p><p>„Yes, yes, I know.“, Weronika smiled at Olive before looking back at Tom, still ignoring Walburga who looked as if she had swallowed a lemon, „So, promise, yeah? One dance!“ The last one she had to yell because Olive was already dragging her with her. She had no chance of hearing Toms answer as the common room was filled with conversation, girls huddled together and giggling, and boys in small groups trying to look cool to impress all the girls and their seniors. Everything felt so hopeful and innocent, Weronika just lost herself in those feelings and felt the hope bloom in her chest, that yes, eventually, everything would be alright.</p><p>When they stepped outisde the air felt cold and the sun was already setting down in hues of glowing orange and golden sun beams being reflected in the lake. A gigantic wooden structure of a woman was placed in the grass and people had already started to gather around it. Stands with food and beverages had been build for the festivities, and every student over sixteen was allowed to drink some alcohol, but all of them having to do with milk. Even the food had to have the ingredient that was milk as it was a part of the traditions and this festival. The choir and musicians of the school had started to prepare on a wooden build stage a little bit far off from the lake and the statue. Baskets with flowers were flowing freely in the air, girls picking one or two flowers from them and putting them into their hair. Some of them were barefoot, magic helping with feeling the cold under their soles.</p><p>As time passed more and more students gathered in front of the stage until the whole school seemed to be present. It was when the headmaster went on the stage were everyone got silent to listen to his speech. No one could see who belonged in which house, this event the opportunity for house unity, not one person being able to differentiate between muggleborn, halfblood or pureblood. It was freeing in a way many of the students didn’t feel outside of their school days.</p><p>„Dear students.“, Armando Dippet began, his voice enhanced due to the wand pointed at his throat, his posture showing the pride he was feeling, „Today marks the day of Imbolc, of Brigid, the goddess, the witch, the woman, who teaches us to hope in times of darkness, to walk towards a brigther future. A powerful witch who, even in regards of magic, created miracles of healing. I am proud of our traditions, our school, my students. You are the future and the hope we need in times of need. You may pray to her or plead for her blessings as you share your magic with her fire and maybe, she hears us in the afterlife and grants us our hopeful dreams. May you live your life in prosperity.“</p><p>He finished his speech and the students started to cheer and clap. Her heart felt light as she clapped alongside her friends when she spotted a lone figure standing on the sidelines. She didn’t like it how he was so secluded from all of this, so as the choir and music began, she entangled herself from Olives grip, telling them she would find them soon, before she fought her way through the crowd. Hagrid was easy to spot, him being as tall as he was. Then she finally reached him.</p><p>„Hagrid!“, she was smiling brightly up at him and he returned it slightly reluctant.</p><p>„‘Evenin, Niki.“</p><p>„What are you doing so alone?“, she asked him concerned and he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck as she held up her mug to her lips to drink. She wouldn’t get an answer from him, she knew that, so she grabbed his hand with her free hand: „Wanna dance?“</p><p>The shock that crossed his face made him panic, but she laughed: „Don’t worry! Just have fun!“ And somehow, as she tucked at his hand he let her as she gulped down the rest of her delicious drink and just left the mug at one of the stands. They still stood more at the sidelines near the small stands with food and drins, but the music was loud and despite of the snowy earth, foot steps all around them, she felt warm and good and simply in peace with herself as she held Hagrids hands (which really was more like him holding her hands so gently as if he was afraid he could break her bones while moving awkwardly and out of tact with the music). But she smiled at him and with every step they took together he relaxed some more, making silly dance moves, flapping their ellbows and arms as if they were birds and laughing at the sillyness of their choreography. At some point Hagrid let loose and he picked her up by the waist and she laughed freely and let herself feel the cold air and the heat, sweat clinging to her skin. At some point she saw a agitated Walburga rushing away from the crowd, a worried Lucretia running after her. But it was non of her business and she wanted to enjoy this festival to the best of her abilities, her fears always somewhere lurking in the back of her mind.</p><p>She didn’t know how long they danced but as soon as the sun was down the music started to get quieter until it was wholy gone. Her heart was racing in her chest and then the headmaster tipped his wand against the wooden figure and fire started to fly around her in the form of a beautiful bird before it struck through the wooden chest. The goddess of fire burned and the orange grew and grew until her whole figure was covered in the licking flames. Cheers were heard from everywhere and music started again, but now, students gathered around the statue, running around it, and got lost in their own little worlds, throwing in their tokens of sacrifice. Even if there had been no magic, this moment right here would have been magical all on its own.</p><p>Holding on to Hagrids hand she dragged him behind her just like Olive had done earlier and navigated them through the crowd. Everywhere, when the fire was lit, students and teachers alike who had decided to participate in giving a sacrifice would one by one gather in front of the bonfire and throw in the little cross they have woven. The Brigid cross was induced with the persons individual magic that was pumped into it during the act of weaving the cross. Now, they threw it in the fire, sacrificing a part of their magic to the witch, that had made wonders true.</p><p>“Do you have one?”, she turned to Hagrid, the heat of the bonfire making her glow with the orange flames, golden sparkles mixed in with the fire, that were proof for the magic that was part of the wooden statue.</p><p>“’ave oneß”, Hagrid asked and she nodded, smiling: “Yeah, a Birgid cross.”</p><p>Hagrid shook his head at that and she let go of his hand, not commenting on it. Making such a cross was not needed for this festival, and most students didn’t partake in it, but the ones that did weren’t mocked by their peers.</p><p>She pulled the cross out from her boot, she had hidden in there, and took at deep breath. There wasn’t a lot of magic in her she could control, but the little bit she was able to control she had poured into the woven cross she held in her hand.</p><p>“Alright.”, she whispered to herself before looking up and then… she threw it. Sizzling gold sparked from the spot where her cross had connected with the scorching flames and suddenly magic burst out of it and directly into her.</p><p>Heat spread directly from her chest and bloomed like a flower. Her hair was sizzling with golden elextricity and her blue eyes went wide. The glass on her glasses broke as the heat burst from her middle through her whole body, into her limps in to the tips of her tresses and her fingers. She felt like a sun, felt like an explosion of cosmic magnitude, like several galaxies clashing. Her magic burnt through her skin, through her nerves and her veins and her blood cells, and she felt as if the only oxygen she needed were the flames presented in front of her and-</p><p>What had felt like eternity had only lasted for a few seconds.</p><p>“-ki? Niki? Are you alright?”</p><p>Someone was touching her shoulder and absentmindedly she was nodding as she stared into the bonfire, knowing that ancient magic was involved in the rites of this festival, but only now realizing the strength of such ancient magic. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, feeling strangely calm as her fingers softly grabbed onto her glasses. When she opened her eyes she looked at them and saw how the glass had broken, from ancient magic or her own, she didn’t know, but the fact remained that she finally felt <em>whole</em> again. Her magic had returned. And Birgids fire had healed her. She didn’t need the glasses anymore.</p><p>Her magic was still burning in her veins and then she felt the giggle bubbling out of her throat and before she knew it she was laughing and happy and <em>carefree</em>. She had never attended such a festival. No wonder, when she thought of the ancient magic one could use to their advantage during such an occasion.</p><p>„I see you’re having fun.“, Toms voice made her smile widen even more as she turned around to look at him, his cheeks slightly flushed and a somewhat content gaze in his eyes. He was probably a little drunk, but who was she kidding? She was too. The milk like beer was delicious and sweet, with honey and cinnamon. Who could say no to such a delicious drink? But they were all drunk on magic too, all of them feeling as if their powers had heightened in the throws of the festival and bonfire.</p><p>“I am!”, she answered him happily before she turned back to the fire and told both Hagrid and Tom, “Watch this!” Another sacrifice was made as she raised her hand and- She threw her glasses into the fire, another sacrifice, a sign of gratitude for healing her from her bad eyesight, and furthermore, for returning her magic to her.</p><p>No one had really seen what had happened to her, only magic reacting around them, but she doubted anyone knew what had happened to her or how she had felt as the cosmic explosion that was the ancient magic and her own magic did as it collided. It had freed her from her shackles of adequacy. Now she would finally be able to recover fully, her magic being restored or returned, or whatever this fire had done to her, but she didn’t mind and she could only feel grateful towards the golden flames that licked at her melting glasses.</p><p>“Niki!”, Hagrid squealed surprised at her sudden disregard of her glasses.</p><p>Tom was suddenly beside her, grabbing her wrist with which she had thrown her glasses, too, and there was anger in his tone: “Are you out of your mind? You need thos-!”</p><p>“Nope.”, she grinned at him, “Birgid healed me. I don’t need them anymore.” While answering him she had turned fully to Tom and she reached for him. Her warm hands found his flushed cheeks and she was still grinning and looking directly into his eyes.</p><p>“I can see you. Clear as glass.”, her voice carried softly through the sounds of celebrating students; and Weronika could see that his eyes weren’t black, but rather such a deep brown that his pupils nearly drowned in the darkness of his eyes. The burning orange and gold of the magical fire were reflected in them and she could see the specks of golden dust that was sprinkled at the edge of his irises. He had beautiful uniqe eyes.</p><p>“Weronika…”, her thumbs brushed his skin as he whispered her name and something fluttered deep inside her like the wings of a hummingbird. She replied with a hum at her whispered name, the alcohol giving her a pleasureable buzz. He looked somewhat confused at her as if he was trying to figure something out, not only her, but this situation he has found himself in. She felt too happy and just cocked her head to the side, not letting go of him, still just softly brushing the slightly rough skin of his cheeks, the feel of a growing scruff, until she told him softly: “My magic was restored too.”</p><p>This admission surprised him, she guessed, as he blinked at her before she finally let go of him, her hands falling to her sides. Her smile never vanished and he blinked again. He was a little dazed and looked at her as if he was seeing her for the first time, or maybe as if he was trying to figure out a puzzle. But she was too drunk on alcohol to really care about the looks he gave her and grinned when she suddenly remembered she hadn’t introduced them yet. So, without hestiation or shame she grabbed Tom’s wrist and pulled him towards Hagrid who obviously wanted to hide, who felt unsure and obviously felt out of place, but Weronika didn’t let him leave: „I want to introduce you! Tom, Hagrid, Hagrid Tom.“ She was beaming at them. Tom was amused, although confused too, with how quickly she changed the subjects. Hagrid looked confused, too, but in a different kind of way, his eyes looking into the flames to her glasses, again and again.</p><p>„It’s a pleasure to meet you, Hagrid.“, Tom stretched his hand out as he decided to dwell later on her behavior (and his own and his feeligns) while Hagrid took it with some hesitation: „Pleasure…“</p><p>„You’re in Gryffindor, aren’t you?“</p><p>The half giant nodded while Weronika rolled her eyes: „Does it matter?“</p><p>Tom shrugged, smiling: „Not to me. I was just curious.“</p><p>„Erm… Niki?“</p><p>She turned to Hagrid who had an expression on his voice that told her just how much he didn’t want to be here. Unhappy because of this she grabbed his hand, which really was more about her grabbing two of his fingers. His hands were huge. For a brief moment she wondered how Hagrd had been conceived but there was no way she would ask the poor kid that. He probably didn’t know either way. Anyway, she wanted Hagrid to feel just as happy and excited as she was.</p><p>„What is it?“, hopefully he didn’t want to leave. He had seemed so carefree and had behaved how someone his age should actually behave, even if it had been only for a short amound of time.</p><p>„I think I’m gonna go an‘-„ „No!“, Weronika turned fully to him, „You can’t leave! We were having so much fun!“<br/>„Yeah, but… now Tom is ‘ere an’… and you probably prefer dancin’ with ‘im.“<br/>„But I don’t! Sure, he promised me to dance with me, but that doesn’t mean that he’s a better dancer than you!“</p><p>Tom cocked an eyebrow at that and she ignoried his amused smile. Hagrid looked like he wanted to run and hide, preferably in that order. He probably felt intimidated by Tom’s presence too. After all, everyone has at least heard about the most brilliant student; even Hagrid.</p><p>„It’s alright Hagrid.“, Tom stated trying to reassure the half giant and stepping towards him, holding his hand slightly up to in a calming manner, “Every friend of Weronikas is also a friend of mine.” The smile he was showing now was breathtaking. She felt her heartbeat quicken and she was somehow so grateful for having such a good looking man in her life. Oh, when he would be older, puberty behind him, he would be even more handsome, devilishly so. She would love to see an older Tom. Her heart was beating too fast, too. Gosh, if she had his looks she would never need to worry about anything again. But then again, she was ambitious in her own way and would use such good looks to her own advantage. Which Tom did too, she wasn’t blind.</p><p>„Trying to get into a girls pants, ugly halfblood?“ „Come on! As if a girl would want to touch his prick!“ Laughter was heard, the boys who had gathered a few feet away from them trying to make fun of Hagrid.</p><p>“But isn’t she a halfblood too? A useless mudblood?”</p><p>“Yeah, I bet she loves spreading her legs for giants like our Hagrid.”</p><p>“So, Hagrid, you finally got a girl?”</p><p>“Not a girl, a whore!”</p><p>She didn’t know how many guys there were but she felt her magic buzzing around her, her wand reacting with soft hissing sounds and gentle golden sparks that no one was really paying attention to. She opened her mouth to tell them to fuck off but they weren’t even able to laugh at their own jokes as one of them suddenly fell to the ground.</p><p>Weronika blinked.</p><p>Tom stood above one of them, regal like a king, with broad shoulders and blazing eyes. He had just suckerpunched one of the guys who had called her a whore.</p><p>All the anger left her body and Hagrid stood beside her, just as shocked as she was.</p><p>“Tom!”, one of the boys yelled, probably not having realized that the Prefect had been with Hagrid and her. She licked her lips and felt warmth spreading inside her chest, and oh shit, if Tom wasn’t the most attractive human being she had ever seen in her life. The self confidence oozing out of every pore of his body, the way he held himself, he truly felt like a king. And she had always been a sucker for power - and sometimes powerful men. If not for powerful man she wouldn’t be here.</p><p>“We-We didn’t know you-“</p><p>“So, you didn’t see me?”, Tom completed the stuttering of the boy, some of them helping up the friend who had a mean nosebleed. Maybe even a broken nose. It definitely looked broken.</p><p>“Which means if you had known I was there you wouldn’t have acted this way? How… <em>disappointing.</em>” The way he said it made shivers run down the spine of the people witnessing the unfolding events. Weronika only felt heat building up. She took a step forward, and somewhere, absentmindedly, she realized that the surrounding students feared what Tom would or could do to the boys who had called her a whore; even worse a whore for giants. Because an attempt at having sex as a woman with a male giant only ended in death. Saying she was such a whore meant she was crazy or had a broken mind, someone who would do anything to get fucked by magical beings, no matter the dangers. She hadn’t felt insulted though. Not really.</p><p>The things that were said between Tom and the boys didn’t register in her mind as she tried to figure out why Tom had reacted the way he had, when he turned around. The way he moved felt predatory. He was like a beautiful hunter, all lean lines and muscles and arousing danger. The magic his rage couldn’t hold in was sizzling around him and she could feel it, her own magic reacting to it. And even though he was still immensely angry he took her hand gently in his own and softly pulled her with him. The crowd parted, while most of the students hadn’t really witnessed anything, the teachers partly gone and partly drunk, Professor Beery swaying in a drunken stupor as he tried to walk towards one of the stands.</p><p>Tom got her attention back when she realized he pulled her towards the Quidditch field, the snow crunching beneath their feet were not many people had walked. He pulled her into the changing rooms, the air warm inside it and magical light turning on whenever someone stepped inside it. It smelled like sweat and leather, like broom polish and <em>Quidditch</em>. This was a place were they were truly alone.</p><p>“Tom?”, she asked gently when he just stoof there, her hand umoving still in his. He jumped slightly, as if realizing he wasn’t alone, before finally turning around. His cheeks were still flushed, her own probably too, and his magic was still buzzing, and her own too, not clashing against each other, but rather testing out each other, softly proding and touching, a gentle carress. His own magic felt all dark, but calm and secure, while her own felt warm and like an embrace.</p><p>He stepped towards her, with drawn brows, and looked down at her, searching her face for something she couldn’t give him, because she didn’t know what he was looking for. She still felt flushed and ridiculously happy, more than ever since she had arrived, since the day had started, because Tom (<em>her friend Tom</em>) had sucker punched a guy who had insulted her. Tom’s magic still felt angry, though. Weronika smiled and placed her right hand softly on his cheek: “Thank you.”</p><p>Her eyes shone with happiness, pink cheeks and flowers in her hair, a white gown. His eyes widened at her words and his heart rate quickened. She looked like an angel, in this ghostly magical light of the Quidditch changing rooms.</p><p>No one had every thanked him for hurting someone. He had the sudden urge to kiss her. So he did.</p><p>His hand wrapped around the back of her neck, her hair tickling his skin, when his lips clumsily met her own. What he did not only surprised him, but her as well, her hand still on his cheeks. Her breath hitched in her throat and she felt so warm, so good, their magic not just testing, but twirling and dancing around each other, like two birds playing in the wind, singing the tune of their gentle happiness.</p><p>And then she slowly relaxed, her eyelids fluttering shut. His lips felt warm against her own, their lips only slightly moving against each other before he drew back.</p><p>“Sorry.”, he whispered, not letting go of her.</p><p>“’s fine.”, she murmured suddenly feeling shy. She had been kissed, had given kisses, but nothing had quite felt like this. She had never been attracted to another person like this before. Their breaths met as he moved forwards a little before his free hand found her waist. Her own slowly fell to his chest, her other hand going up to put it there too. She could feel the hardened muscles of his Quidditch training underneath the thin shirt he was wearing. Weronika had to lick her lips, the movement of her tongue pulling his attention towards her lips.</p><p>“May I?”, this time he asked, now a tremor in his voice as if he was afraid she would reject him. But how could she? She could only nod and before his lips met hers she had already closed her eyes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Reviews and Kudos make me happy &lt;3</p><p>Also, I apologize for any mistakes, as this hasn't been beta read</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. cynosure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is far from perfect, just like the whole fanfiction, but I'm still going to update this mess and I'm making this not only mine, but everyone elses problem as well.</p><p>Have fun!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Platonia</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Chapter 06</strong>
</p><p>cynosure – n. something that strongly attracts attention or admiration</p><p>-</p><p>The only thing she could hear was her own quickened heart beat and her hard breathing as their lips parted. His kisses were intoxicating, his touch gentle and soft, and his hand was still holding her neck. Although, the grip on her neck wasn’t gentle, rather hard and unyielding, but she didn’t mind. Because everything else he did was soft and nice and she felt this incredible warmth all over overtaking all her senses. Then his lips met her own again, this time with more eagerness and she accepted him, closing her eyes once again. She didn’t want this moment to end. The kiss they shared was slow and tantalizing, with the promise of more, without ever really venturing further. His hand never left her waist and he never tried to undress her. The kisses were enough.</p><p>For a moment she thought about going back. Hagrid was probably waiting. They had left him all alone in this mess, and she felt guilty for leaving him like that, but on the other hand the <em>kisses</em>. She didn’t want to go and leave. However, her guilt didn’t let her, so she drew back slightly, their lips nearly touching each other, their breaths merging and their noses touching.</p><p>“Hagrid… we need to-…”, she needed to compose herself, “We left him all alone.”</p><p>“No.”, Tom kissed the corner of her mouth and she smiled, but they really should go. Even if she made no move to leave.</p><p>“But Tom-“, she tried again but was silenced with a kiss, the two of them softly swaying in their drunken states, even if they stayed in the spot. And she really really didn’t want to stop with these warm kisses that left her giddy and happy and deliciously aroused. (She was no stranger to arousal.) Taking a deep breath she put her hand on his wrist to remove his hand from her neck and he let her.</p><p>“We can’t stay here forever.”, she told him with fake sternness, “And you know how the others-“</p><p>“Then at least say it again.”, he demanded calmly but with a weird urgency that made her blink at him, her lips warm and tingly from his kisses.</p><p>“What-“</p><p>“You thanked me.”, he explained, her hands holding his hand and his wrist she had removed from her neck. His words made her realize what he meant and so she giggled, thinking how cute he was acting with this demand before stepping forward again so her breasts brushed against his chest: “Thank you, Tom. For punching that guy.” She kissed his cheek gently before stepping away again and pulling him with her. Weronika had no idea how long they had been gone but there were students still celebrating and the bonfire was lit just as much as before.</p><p>Tugging at his hand she went further while she was looking everywhere for Hagrid.</p><p>“Niki!”, she turned her head and looked at one silly drunk Olive, who held a mug in her hand, Ramona not far behind.</p><p>“Olive, Ramona!”, she let go of Tom’s hand without much thought meeting up her friends in the middle.</p><p>“Where have you been?”, Olive pouted at her and Weronika laughed: “I was with Tom.”</p><p>“Tom?”, the confusion on Olives face made her look around but there was no Tom to be seen. He had left her. And suddenly she felt somewhat abandonend. They had shared beautiful intimate moments with each other just minutes ago and now he was simply gone? Not wanting to show her hurt she simply put up a smile and decided to just celebrate with her two girlfriends for the rest of the celebrations.</p><p>She didn’t see him hours after the celebrations either. Althought, she did find Hagrid. She didn’t make him stay, simply bid him good night and apologized for leaving him like that; Ramona and Olive doing the same surprised at her friendship to the half giant, but accepting it without judgement. For the rest of the night the girls stayed together and celebrated. They danced with flowers in their hair and with flowing white gowns and sweat clinging to their skin, the magic dancing with them and within them, the blessing of Birgit they could feel in their bloodstreams.</p><p>When Weronika opened her eyes the next day she felt refreshed and good, no hangover clinging to her. She could still feel the aftermath of the ancient magic sizzling just underneath her pale skin, but this feeling would fade. But not her magic. It had returned fully to her; and even if she felt hurt because Tom had disappeared on her it didn’t mean she couldn’t be happy. Because her magic was back. A laugh bubbled out of her and she had to conceal a squeal to not wake the others. Quickly she pressed her face into her pillow and the squeal she couldn’t hold in was damped by the pillow. Then a look to Ramona told her she was sound asleep. Ramona was the same, a little drool hanging from the corner of her mouth. Grinning at that image she stiffled her laugh and decided to get ready for the day. Breakfast was already over, that much she was sure off and when she looked at her clock it only confirmed her assumption. It was around 11 o’clock. Most students were probably still asleep, but the kitchen wouldn’t let the students starve that were awake already, so she decided to fill her empty stomach.</p><p>Getting ready she brushed her teeth and her hair, put on the underwear and then she looked at her uniform. Somehow she really didn’t feel like wearing a skirt. During winter? It was hell, cold air always hitting her legs, even if they were clad in thighs or socks. And now that her magic had returned she wondered-</p><p>She took hold of her wand, grabbing it a little bit too hard for a moment, feeling like meeting an old friend. She hadn’t been able to use it properly for a while now. Softly she smiled down at it, feeling the embellishment warming underneath her hand and if it were a cat it would start purring. Her wand was excited that its master was back.</p><p>With a soft murmur she moved the wand and let her magic do the work and slowly the long skirt shifted and turned underneath her gaze until she had green slacks in front of her, perfectly fitted for her female body. Her magic was burning underndeah her skin and for a moment the golden runes etched onto her body glowed and shifted as if reacting to her magic. She was glad they didn’t move and stayed where they were at the moment, which meant she would be able to hide them easily underneath her clothing.</p><p>Happy with the result she put the wand away for a moment so she could put the uniform on she had modified with her magic to fit her needs and preferences. She put on her necklace and her ring as well, two mementos she had from home, and the only valuables she had with her that had been with her since she had been a child.</p><p>She kept the shirt outside of her slacks and put on her green tie, and put on her robes. Weronika knew it was rather unconventional for a girl wearing pants as her uniform but she didn’t care what people thought of her; not really, even if her anxiety sometimes tended to make her feel as if she was dying.</p><p>Next came her boots and the finishing touch was her hair. Taking up her wand she let her magic do the work of her hair being braided. Thankfully she didn’t need her glasses anymore and then she was ready for the day. (In the back of her mind memories of kisses and a dimly lit changing room tried to surface, but she pushed them down, not wanting to think about it.)</p><p>There was one last thing she needed to do. Now, that she was able to use her magic, she would be able to repair her wand holder. As quiet as possible she got to her trunk and searched for her wand holder. When she found it she looked at it with fondness. It was something that had been a present and she still held on to it, the leather worn out and abused, and broken in some places when someone had tried to steal her wand from her. Pointing her wand at it she gently repaired what had once been broken with just a whisper: “Reparo.”</p><p>She could see how the magic wove the leather together again, oberserved how the broken returned to its usefulness, even if the worn out leather stayed as it was. Getting up again she closed the trunk and leaned forward. Putting her wand between her lips she adjusted the holder and strapped it to her thigh above her slacks. If she had worn a skirt she would have put the wand holder underneath it. And then she was ready to leave the shared rooms.</p><p>As soon as she stepped into the common room it was obvious how most students were still sleeping. Only a few students were seen, dozing or just relaxing the day off they were allowed to have after Imbolc. Deciding to avoid any conversation with them she left the common room on her quest to find food.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The Great Hall was filled with few students and a few professors, some groaning about headaches and pain, obviously those being hangovers. She had been a little drink but not so much to be completely wasted which was why she didn’t have a hangover. She also remembered everything that had happened. Memories and thoughts were swirling in her head with every step she took, memories of a hot breath meeting hers, the feel of warm skin, and-</p><p>Clearing her throat she sat down at the Slytherin table, no one really paying attention to her or her new attire as most were still half asleep or complaining about headaches. She worried a little bit that her wearing pants would put her in the spotlight, which she of course anticipated, but not one person was reacting so maybe she was safe. At least for now.</p><p>In front of her brunch was spread out and she started to fill her plate with food, looking around and wondering if Tom had already eaten or if he was still sleeping. Knowing him he was probably awake and his absence could mean he was in the library or training Quidditch on his own. Thinking about him made her remember not only the exchange of saliva but also the way he had disappeared on her. He had not apologized, had said nothing, when it was obvious they needed to talk about what had happened. Blood warmed her cheeks when she thought back to the ways he had made her feel, their magic sizzling all around them. She wasn’t easily aroused but yesterday? That had been magical. She could still remember the sensations of his body, his breath, his hands, his mouth. No one had ever kissed her like that. It was one of the most intimate things she had ever done. Yes, she had met a few guys throughout her life, but this intimacy she had shared with Tom was not something she had ever experienced. Not even when she touched herself.</p><p>Taking a deep breath she decided to find Tom to clear any misunderstandings. She wasn’t naïve enough to think they were now a couple. They had been drunk and they were teenagers and it had been fun. Yes, kissing was fun. She enjoyed kissing. Had she been in a relationship with every guy she had ever kissed? No. Still, kissing was real fun. It made her giddy and happy; the kissing with one Tom Riddle even more so.</p><p>The problem though? He was un-find-able. He hadn’t been in the Great Hall, had not been sitting in the library and not in any other class to suck up to the teachers. And yes, he liked sucking up to the teachers. He liked praise and doing good, but who didn’t? She loved compliments and praise too, a small part of her even lived for it. Still, Tom just couldn’t have disappeared, right? He had to be <em>somewhere.</em></p><p>It was already afternoon when she slowly started to get angry. Because now it didn’t really feel as if he had disappeared but more as if he was avoiding her. Which was unacceptable. She had always been a person who needed to talk out any problems and needed to fix things. Sure, she had not done so every time she had dealt with someone else, but she was doing her best into becoming more couregous. Huffing she decided to go back to the Slytherin common rooms to work on her essays. Stepped echoed through the halls when she approached the dungeon, running towards her and she stopped walking. Suddenly someone rounded the next corner only to stand still with sudden shock when the stranger saw her. Only it wasn’t a stranger but Walburga Black. For a few seconds they only stared at each other, only evaluated what the other might do when Weronika just dropped her gaze and took the first steps, only to ignore Walburga and walking right past her. Whatever Walburga was dealing with she didn’t want to have anything to do with. The tears streaming down her face had told her enough even if the curiousity was killing her. A part of her wanted to know so <em>badly </em>why she had been crying, but no. No drama from strangers. She had already enough bullshit to deal with.</p><p>But then she stepped into the Slytherin common room and Tom was there, standing among his friends. A strange heavy atmosphere was weighing down on every one, some of the students looking as if they’d be rather anywhere else. Well, that mood or Toms anger (because he looked angry) would not stop her into finally talking to him.</p><p>“Tom!”, with purpose she walked towards him and she could see his shoulders tensing before he turned around, a polite smile grazing his lips. And suddenly anger flushed through her veins like some avalanche. Because this polite smile had been there in the first few days they had gotten to know each other. He used that smile when he talked to teacher, that kind of smile that made her feel like a stranger. And she wasn’t a stranger to him, was she? They were <em>friends</em>. And Tom only added fuel to the fire with this kind of smile that only meant that he wanted to keep her at a distance. But she wouldn’t let him. She only halfheartedly realized how the smile vanished as he took in her attire. Especially her legs. Legs were there was no skirt, but legs that were clad in pants. If she weren’t so angry she would have laughed at his reaction. The other reactions she had received she had ignored finding him a priority of hers.</p><p>“I’ve been looking for you everywhere! Where the fuck have you been? Are you… Are you avoiding me?!”, she blurted out angrily and were she a child she would have stomped her foot. She barely controlled herself. Although she had to admit she was acting rather childish. But her feelings were hurt and a girl was allowed to feel a little emotional after the stunt he had pulled by disappearing without a word at yesterdays celebrations.  </p><p>“…here and there.”, he answered still looking at her legs. The other students took in her attire as well, the mood being lifted from its previous heaviness.</p><p>“Tom!”, she huffed out anger making her cheeks flush. He finally looked at her, his eyes  betraying nothing she had said to him. Again she huffed and suddenly she had no idea what to say to him. It was infuriating. He could be such an ass! And then all these people paying attention to them, eyeing them curiously and listening in on their conversation, which had not been a mutual conversation at all. Not having the patience to deal with them at them moment she just grabbed his hand and pulled him with her. He was strong enough to pull away from her, she knew that, but he remained silent and let her lead him to the potions classroom he had pulled her in all these days ago.</p><p>Weronika closed the door quietly behind her and then she was finally able to lead an open and honest conversation with him. At least, if he would let her. She hoped he would.</p><p>“So?”, she asked him and crossed her arm in front of her chest, blocking the door with her body as she stood between it and Tom. Tom simply cocked his brow at her which only added more fuel to the fire.</p><p>“Tom!”, she nearly yelled at him, “You really acted like an asshole, you know?”</p><p>Still, nothing. He simply clasped his hands in front of him together, looking at her expectant. A noise of distress and anger left her throat, a sound that left her body without her control, and then she really stomped her foot like a little girl. God, she felt silly. And angry.</p><p>“You just disappeared on me yesterday!”, she told him, “We kissed yesterday a-and… and… and you just left! Yes, I know! It meant nothing, you don’t have to say it but still! I’m hurt! I’m mature enough to understand that we had both been drunk and that’s it. And your behavior… it was not ok, ok?”</p><p>Saying these words to him calmed her down and with every word she said her voice lost on volume until she was simply speaking to him, as calm as she could in this moment. But seconds after the rest had been said her anger left her as well and she sighed.</p><p>“…you’re right.”, he said, the first thing since they had kissed after a few seconds had passed.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You’re right. I shouldn’t have disappeared on you like that. I should have known you wouldn’t… <em>swoon </em>over me, like all the other girls.”, the smile on his face wasn’t genuine.</p><p>And Weronika couldn’t help herself but chuckle at that: “Yeah, I gotta admit you’re really handsome. But you’re… not really boyfriend material.”</p><p>The disbelief on his face was commented with an open laugh this time: “What?”</p><p>“Oh, come on Tom! You’re emotional available like the cold walls surrounding us! Sure, you smile and you can be gentle and you’re… nice, but-“ “Nice?”, the disbelief this time showed on his face. Because nice? Yeah, no one had probably ever called him nice. She ignored his funny reaction and kept going: “But you’re not really… looking for romance. And neither am I. That was all I wanted to say to you. Since yesterday. And we could have fixed this whole awkwardness if you had not hidden like the chicken you are.”</p><p>“<em>Chicken?</em>”, now she really was in for trouble. To stifle a laugh she bit down on her lips and simply nodded while simutaniously making a step backwards. Because Tom had made a small step towards her. With every step he took forward she took one back.</p><p>“Yep.”, she happily declared, “Chicken. Scared of silly ol’ me and thinking I’d chase after you like one of your many fangirls.”</p><p>“I was never afraid.”, he drew his brows together and everything around him seemed to scream anger and tension if not for the twinkle of mischief in his eye. That was a good look on him. This twinkle.</p><p>“Uh-huh.”, she nodded and she reached for the doorknob behind her. Toms eyes lingered for a moment longer on her face before looking down and seeing how her hands were behind her back. He probably deduced what she was trying to do. A gentle soft smile turned his mouth corners up.</p><p>“Weronika.”, he started to purr like a cat with a mouse in its paws.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Could there be a possibility of you being afraid now?”</p><p>“No? I-I mean… why should I?”, she felt the rush of the chase burning in her bloodstream, fun and giddiness making her heart race.</p><p>“Oh, I don’t know… maybe because-“ Suddenly she threw the door open and with a laugh she started to run down the corridor. Behind her she could hear him, his steps echoeing with her own through Hogwarts halls. Her laugh bubbled out of her chest while she rounded one corner after the other. Now that over a month has passed she was already much fitter, and with her magic fully returned she was nearly back on full strength. True, she still was a little too light in the mediwitches opinion but Weronika felt alright. In fact, so alright, that she was playing a round of chase with Tom Riddle.</p><p>“Oh dea-!”, the surprised outburst  came ouf of nowhere as Weronika had not seen the man who had rounded the corner at the same time as she. With full furce she hit the potions professor with the strength of her body and both of them came down on the floor. Books flew across the floor and Toms steps had silenced as he had come to a halt beside her.</p><p>“Ow…”, she rubbed her knee as it had come in hard contact with the cold stone floor. Beside them Professor Slughorn also moaned in pain and tried sitting up, his little belly being somewhat in the way.</p><p>“Here.”, Tom stretched out his hand towards her and with a grateful smile she took it: “Thank you.” The both of them still were a little out of breath due to their teenage shenengians when the turned towards the teacher to help him up as well. He was murmuring a few things, probably still shocked at having been witness to unruly behavior in the most painful of ways.</p><p>“Ah, oh dear… oh dear.”, when he finally stood on his own two feet he rubbed his rear for a moment before fixing his clothes, the students standing by his sides to make sure he really was alright.</p><p>“We’re so sorry, Professor Slughorn.”, Weronika apologized and started to pick up the teachers belongings as Tom started to do the same.</p><p>“Ah, it’s fine really. To be young again…”, he laughed softly and observed them for the duration of picking up his books and notes, but then he sighed for a moment, “And in love. You both really enjoy each others company don’t you?”</p><p>“Erm-“, she had just picked up the last few notes but before she could come up with anything else it was Tom who interjected: “Well, yes, but we are simply friends having some fun. Sadly, at the expence of our beloved head of house.”</p><p>“Ah, worry not Tom.”, he patted Toms shoulder gently, “But if you could be so nice and accompany me? And carry my things? My back still hurts because of the fall…”</p><p>“Professor…”, a worried look on her face as she tried to observe if he really was alright.</p><p>“It’s fine Miss Kucharska, really. I just need to take one of my potions and I’ll be as good as new.”, he smiled reassuringly at her which she could only return with a small smile.</p><p>When all books and notes were finally gathered in Toms and her arms they they started to walk towards the professors office, Professor Slughorn leading the way as he started to cheerfully talk.</p><p>“By the way, weren’t yesterdays festivities wonderful?”, Professor Slughorn smiled brightly and happily, “It has been a long time since I had felt so energized. How about you two?”</p><p>“Oh, it was great!”, she told her teacher, “I threw in my glasses into the fire. Imbolc, or rather Birgid, healed me.”</p><p>Slughorn looked at her with a surprise on his face he couldn’t hide very well. But he had never been someone who could hide his emotions easily. At least not that she was aware of it. But then again, he <em>was</em> a Slytherin head of house.</p><p>“How peculiar!”, he responded after a few seconds of ongoing surprise, “How do you feel otherwise?”</p><p>“Oh, good, really! And my magic has been restored as well. Now I’ll be able to keep up with everyone.”, she grinned happily into the pile she was carrying while Tom had kept quiet during their short walk.</p><p>“That’s wonderful to hear, my dear!”, Professor Slughorn was beaming at her because with her admition and her magic new expectations to her talents arose. He couldn’t help it. Sometimes the most talented students were those were it had been the least expected. Because of the deficiency in her magic she hadn’t been able to keep up as much as other students, but now she would be able to use it. And with that her true capabilities could be brought to light.</p><p>After that they reached the office rather quickly. They entered the office and the teacher simply signed towards a table: “Just put those things over there.” They did as he asked and for a moment Tom and she shared a glance with each other. Out of her control a giggle escaped her, feeling some kind of absurdity towards the situation and even Tom couldn’t hold back the twitch that betrayed a smile. The potions professor observed this with an expectant smile and a gleam in his eyes as an idea came to his mind.</p><p>“Mr Riddle, Miss Kucharska, thank you for carrying an old mans belongings. But before you go…”, with quick steps he reached a small table and picked up two cards. When he turned back towards them he kept silent for a moment before putting one down. Then he approached them.</p><p>Reluctantly Tom took the card.</p><p>“An invitation?”, Tom asked a little curious but not surprised. He knew how much hope the potions master put in him.</p><p>“Yes. I am going to hold a Valentines Day party. I am not only inviting members of the Slug Club but also important figures of the wizarding world. You could bring a lovely companion as well.”, for a second Professor Slughorn glanced at Weronika who was observing Tom and reading the invitation over his shoulder.</p><p>“You are the first one I’m inviting, acutally.”, Professor Slughorn smiled proudly at his best student, “After all, you are an expectional student! And I believe you are going to achieve great things!” With a raised finger he started to move again: “Yes, great things indeed! But now you should go. And think about who you’re going to take as your date.” The twinkle in his eyes only worsened but both teenagers tried to ignore it. Weronika didn’t want to go with Tom, and Tom probably wouldn’t ask her too. The atmosphere between them could turn awkward or ugly in seconds, only because the have shared some drunken kisses. And she’d rather stay friends with him.</p><p>“Well, we should leave you to your things now, Professor!”, Weronika proded Tom gently towards the door.</p><p>“Ah, yes, of course. I will see you tomorrow in class.”, he answered and Weronika nodded before pushing Tom through the door in gentle haste and closing the door behind her.</p><p>“So…”, the polish girl clapped her hands together and cleared her throat when they were finally to talk without being eavesdropped by the professor, “Who are you going to take? To the Valentines event, I mean?”</p><p>“That… is a good question.”, with a thoughtful expression he glanced at the invitation he still held in his hand before hiding it in the depth of his robes until his attention was fully concentrated on her again: “And what about you?”</p><p>“Me?”, she asked, “What about me?”</p><p>With a meaningful look he glanced towards her legs and as she looked down as well she finally realized what he was talking about.</p><p>“Oh! You mean the pants?”, she asked but didn’t wait for his answer, “It’s too cold for skirts. Also, I wanted to see if my magic really had returned. Because, you know, this was a skirt and I magically changed it.”</p><p>A proud grin adorned her lips as she met his eyes: “What do you think?”</p><p>“It’s… daring.”, he simply replied as he started to walk. Quickly she sped up to walk beside him: “Daring?”</p><p>“Scandalous even.”</p><p>“Oh, am I a bad girl now? Are bad rumours going to float about me? Are pureblood families going to worry about their precious daughters and my influence on them?”</p><p>Tom snorted at that and she giggled at her own words.</p><p>“You’re impossible.”</p><p>“Yeah, but you still love me.”</p><p>Without warning he stopped walking, his face frozen in some kind of aghast emotion.</p><p>“Not like that!”, her face burned with emberassment, “Like friends! We are just friends! Right?”</p><p>“…right.”, his shoulders relaxed and he seemed relieved, but who could blame him? With any misunderstanding out of the way they resumed their walk. Her blush remained long after they had reached the Slytherin common room.</p>
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